Whew.....

You know I am really stupid sometimes. I let stupid stuff scare me. I tend to react to things I shouldnt. I have a bad way of hurting the ones I loves feelings. Im so overly flawed its ridiculous. Its really time for a good dose of Kevin. He has always dropped it all at first chance to be there for me when I need a friend. Right now its the slap in the head I need. The one that only he can deliver with out me getting on the offensive. He can tell me anything, no matter how painful it would be from some one else, its just the truth with him. Its something I call him for on the rare occassion when it all gets to me enough to bring me down too far. Ive been down lately. Im doing well right now. I have my mom, Bill and Chris to make me laugh. I have family for the first time in forever. Its almost a new thing for me after the last two years. Im learning some things here that I would never have had the opportunity to learn in Texas. I am smiling more. Im meeting friendly people. I think it funny that every one just loves my accent up here. To me I sound normal. To them its "omg where are you from, I love your accent." Im just like yeah uh huh. Go ahead ask me to say something. Thats usually what happens. Anyways. I had my nerves worked up so tight last night I was a mess. But as usual I was just over reacting to something small. My nerves are so used to walkin the high wire and being on end that I dont know how to be normal anymore. I am sure I hurt the people I love with the way I always expect to be hurt. The way I always assume the worst. The way my out look on things is never bright anymore. I need a change in my personality I think. Jeeze I swear one day I want to be the sweet, loving and trusting girl I was just years ago. Now breathe, Mandie, the sigh of relief that you need! Whew...