Conclusion

Well Kevin called me early this morning. Like 2:30 or so. We talked for about an hour. Basically he talked, I listened. I asked a few questions. He played the Dr. Kevin role. I asked him when I had become closed off. He told me that with men it happened a long time ago. Starting with Gregg and his escapades with Hannah. Ok well I admit Gregg screwed me up mentally and he enjoyed jerking me around like a toy. Thats basically been my story sense. With a few exceptions. His conclusion was that if I dont start letting people in I will be losing them. As it is I dont know where it all started. I can be friends with some one forever but the minute it becomes more I dont know where my brain goes. It flew out the window I guess. Basically Kevin gave me the dont hurt anyone speech. Then gave his stamp of approval for James. Even though I havent told Kevin much about James other than how long we have been friends and the basics on how it all started. So I am baffled. Kevin never approves, the only time he did it turned out ugly. Dont care to discuss that. Anyways, Now that I feel better after talking to Dr. Kevin, I am gonna try to open back up. Hard stuff for me though.
Kevin also talked about his goals in life. Right now he says his biggest calling is making sure I become happy again. Ok he has been trying at that for years. Thats what your best friend is for. I think that I wont truly be happy until I allow myself to be. But some of the things he said made me cry. Very quietly of coarse. But he never knew I was crying. I dont know how he knew I needed to talk to him last night. But as always he had impeccable timing. I heard the phone ring and I was up fast. I mean my cell only rings that late for three or four people so yeah. But its nice to know that hes got my back. Even though he will come here and kick my ass if I dont stop shutting every one else out.