Dear Zach

Next... I have been so blah today. No energy. Then again I spent the better part of the last 24 hours in bed. I slept better last night than I have in a while. No disturbing dreams, no ghosts. The one haunting me right now is a double whammy. Zach go away. Stop visiting me like that. I know where I screwed up. I dont need you telling me about it boy. Dont you have a sister or some one to harass. Its been nine years do you still have to be the voice of reason. I know it only happens when Kevin and I avoid the bullshit. I know it only happens when I am not being open with him. But Im not hiding him. It just hurts too much to talk. Jeeze, Zach. I wonder what would have happend had we all just done what we were supposed to that day. I know that not every one realized how good of friends we were. How couldnt we be, there was Tara for pete sake. She was my big sister, your girlfriend then ex. You know what still bugs me though man?? We for no reason acted as if we were mad at you. Shouldnt have done that. We just liked to irritate you. Had I known that was gonna be the last time I would see you, I woulda hugged your neck or begged you not to go to the bayou. Cant quite look at that place the same. Still cant believe you came back for Jed. I bout fell out my chair, no Im lying I did fall out of it, when Rose told me about the accident. Cody was so hurt. I wonder if you know how much you shaped the way our student body depended on each other.

Its getting up on that time of year again man. April 24th I believe. Of coarse Im trying to remember off the top of my head. We burried you on Melissa's birthday. That much I remember clearly. Those two days at school though they were a blur. I remember leaving class a few times. I remember sitting in the hallway with Kevin and Figgy. Instead of being in Choir singing, getting ready for your memorial. I didnt go man. I went on that stupid field trip that weekend. You were burried on a Saturday. Me, Jessica, Melissa, the other Melissa, Jenny, Tisa, Emily, Bobby, and Keith gathered into a room on our retreat and had our own memorial. Our parents were with us. Mrs. Stripling even said some things. But you were the first in a long string of death for me that year. Dood its been 9 years. Can you believe that shit? Look at me sitting here typing to you as if you can some how hear my words. Never thought I would do that. Gosh your sister got to be a pretty thing. Oh and Tara's baby sister, Maegan, tell her whats up for me. You came and got her too. Tore Tara up you know. Shes in the military now. From what I understand she loves it. God I miss her.

I think about you alot. Wishing that I had just been a better friend. Not that I ever did anything to you. But Im sure you know what I mean. Damn man things have really just gone to the dogs. Oh did I tell you Kevin joined the military? Yeah hes a Marine now. Im proud. He really grew up. I wish I could. Im working on it man. I moved from Texas to Nebraska, just trying to find my way. I havent been to see you in a long ass time. I promise next time I am in Houston, first bit of time I get, I will drop by. Gotta see you, maybe stop and see Jerid too. Dood that cemetary probably ought to have me in it too. But you boys saved me more often than not. I guess thats why David and I got so close. Some one needed to pull my butt out of trouble after everyone had graduated. Of coarse you know I never hung much with my own age group. Had no choice that last year. But I loved it anyways. David and Kevin came back to support me. David was at all my events. I do mean all of them. God I miss him. I miss my boys what can I say? Im gonna shut up now Im sure the people reading this are thinking I have lost my mind talking to some one who died years ago. But dood stop showing up in my dreams and I wont resort to it... Love is there for the taking you just have to chose to take it...