Socially Unacceptable

Ever sat and listened to a song and even though you have heard it a hundred times, it captivated you. All the sudden it had meaning to you. The way the person singing feels about the person they are singing about is suddenly screaming at you that it is exactly the way you see some one else. Even if they are some one you probably will never have again. Or never have for that matter. Doesnt really matter. Its just a song I have loved for no particular reason was on a bit ago and I could put myself in it. I could look and say wow. Like you know no matter how things turn out that will always be my mindset on him. "I cant see how you will ever be anything but mine..." Wow. Im pathetically depressing at times. Yes I know its true. But I can normally tell you everything going on around me. But while that song was on I was lost in another world, in a small set of nothing but wonderful memories. Memories that as long as I live I will never ever want to lose. My life is so easily expressed in lots of music and poetry. So why cant I seem to get it right? Im working on it. I figured something out though. Its my turn to wait. Its my turn to show love through undying support. Then maybe just maybe one day things will be the way I know in my heart they should be. I sound like the eternal sap, but I dont care. Theres a beauty to these blog things ya know. I can write what I want to. There will never be a single soul to tell me that I am wrong for it. And if they do, I dont care. We all have to have an outlet for our feelings, greif, happiness, guilt, creativity or what ever else may come our way. This is mine. Sure I keep a personal, hand-written journal. I keep a poetry journal. I keep a creative writing journal. But this just feels more natural. My personal journal is kept confidential. Hope reads it. Thats cool but shes pretty much the only one. I just feel it is a way to leave a part of myself. I have three notebooks and am starting a fourth. They are for people that I love. Theres one for Hope, Carey, James and Kristys is getting ready to get started. The James notebook is on hold, for the direction of it has to change. Sadly though it can not be altered. I refuse to do that. So if some day his girl picks it up after Im gone and theres that undying professed love, she will just have to deal with it. I have lost too many people not knowing where their truth lie. Now I refuse to do that to these people. Careys is more or less a bit of inspiration for a young woman in need of it. Hopes is a labor of love, admiration and inspiration. Shes already read some of it. I need to really get to crackin on hers. Its part of her graduation gift. Though she knows all about it. Carey will get hers when its ready. James will get his when the appropriate time comes. Kristy on the other hand, hers is gonna take more time, energy and love than all of them. Shes my best friend. She is so much more to me than just a girl I grew up with. Shes my sister as far as I am concerned. Im missing a time that I would die to be a part of. But alas I cant. I wasnt there when she had Katherine. I missed most of the pregnancy. Im missing it all again. You dont know how bad that is killing me. In a time when I am feeling slightly left behind and alone, I feel a twinge of regret for all the love I have been apart of only to end up alone again. One day I will explain that. For now I am finding out that being my age and single is totally socially unacceptable. Trust me its pointed out for me. My older sister did it the other night. She didnt mean to but she did. Some lady at the store asked if I had a boyfriend. I said no, she said "oh honey Im sorry." HUH???? Am I missing something here?? Forgive me for being a freak with no love!!!