Seems I am good at making every one laugh. We sat around the dinner table just laughing it up. Mom and I told stories bout back when I was at CE King High School. Ahh the good old days. Some were like hell but wow I had some good times. Seems I was a bit of a clown. See for me you didnt have a KHS story back in the early three years with out a Kevin story. We were inseperable. Still are except hes in a different state and all. I just got done leaving him a "whut up fool this is Deeze. Where you at? Call me." But thats just how it goes. Im not explaining Deeze to anyone. Deeze is a name that few are able to refer to me as. But Kevin is Don Deigo. Ha ha. I bet Im the only person who can still get away with that, well maybe Scrotum. Haha. Im sooo not going there. Good ol' Sac. I heard hes married. In the military. Damn Im the only one huh. Then Steven. Haha Im still laughing that he married that Diana girl. Rose said that he asked about me. Im thinking, dood could have had me back when he and Diana had broken up our Senior year. What would I want with him now? Ill tell you, NOTHING. But boy was he an interesting love affair. I still cant believe I was stupid enough to like him. Talk about tension. He would bring her to our school stuff and she would glare at me. I would do my part in egging it on though. Always surrounded by my gobs of fools. But no one knew my heart was on hold back then. It was reserved for some one that no one knew about. I still have his our picture up in my bed room. Its my favorite picture. I doubt I will ever take it down. I bet if I was to run into him today my heart would still beat so... I never quite got him out of my system. Though he is now just a cherished memory. He was forbidden for many reasons. But well worth the stuff went through. Im not explaining. I never write his name. I dont intend to now. I dont like that the fact of just knowing someone that loves me could hurt just by hearing a name. The name Maxine and Angela hurt me. But thats old stuff. There is a more recent rather new one I came across by accident. My heart just wants to stop thinking about it. So I think about better things, better times. Hope for the happiness of that loved one. I refuse to take his picture down, I didnt throw away the notebook. I kept all of it. Friendship should be left untarnished by my stupidity. Im trying. I hurt a little more than I want anyone to know. Ive cried enough. But God hasnt let me let it go yet. There is a season for all things. My season right now I believe is for tears and healing. But I dont know how to heal. Left untreated a wound will become infected. I dont know how to treat this. So for now it is throbbing and gushing. What else can I say??