Hmm.

Well Im bored. I have nothing to do. I talked to Len Cross earlier. Hes in Borger. I liked working in Borger but I dont want to work for Wyatt Field Services again. Too much chance there to possibly run into Toby. I dont need that in my life. I need stability and a sense of freedom. I need independance and support that says "I wont allow you to fail." I need to find out who I am. I have to remind myself every day "independance doesnt mean being alone." I know its stupid but I do tell myself that every day. I have to learn to stop pushing out the ones I love. I have to learn to love myself. When I do that I will be better equipt to love other people more efficiently. Even though I am trying hard to make my heart flip a switch to turn off a love I am not supposed to have. One that wont be happening. One I screwed up. Enough of that. It does me no good to remember my mistakes when I cant rightfully fix them. Kevin and I laughed at each other for a good while last night. I have really got to get out and make friends my age. Kristy and I talked about that Sunday night. She says she knows that I will find them. I just have to be willing to find them. Oh the wisdom of my best friends. It amazes me sometimes. I am missing another friendship right now. I hurt knowing this is all my doing. Dood I said no more of that. So I am gonna go so that I stop thinking about him. I cant keep doing that to myself.