Impending Holidays

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home. ~Carol Nelson

Every year about this time I start to get excited about all the impending events and fun and magic of the holidays. I have to admit, this year all its doing is making me feel a little hairy. Like maybe I am more alone now than I have been in years. I did several holiday seasons with no family, just a few friends. Yet this year I know that what I am already missing is some one who I wish I could be with every moment of every day. Yes that sounds hokey and slightly, derangely romantic I guess.

I don't look forward to watching every one get excited, every one laughing and smiling at each other. I know that by the time that day hits, I will have had a taste of exactly the present I want most. I will have gone through the part where I have to let go. Saying good bye will be so hard it will probably take it out of me for a while. This is why I don't let myself get attached to anyone. To spare myself the hurt that comes with saying good bye. Here it is just the end of October and I already do not look forward to that day.

I know when every one gets all excited for those silly holidays I will be wishing I was some where else, with some one else. Don't get me wrong I will be so happy to be with my family. I will be. Hell I volunteer to work the holidays so every one else can be with theirs. Its how I work. But for the first time, I am already wishing I was spending it some where else.

Ok Im just feeling whiny today. I will shut up now.

Questions about Love

Love - a wildly misunderstood although highly desirable malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes eyes to sparkle, cheeks to glow, blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker. ~Author Unknown

Isn't this true though. We all crave the love of another person. Lets be realistic for a moment. Just how many times have you honestly been in love. I can say with all certainty this number for me is probably just 1. He hurt me. He took my heart on a wild ride, used every piece of it and smashed it into the ground the day he got married. Knowing full well that was what he was doing, that he had no intention of being with me, just liked the thrill he got by yanking my chain. Sadly this fool was what I considered my best friend up to the moment that I realized that he wasn't coming back. This man, whose heart and soul I knew, cause he told me every fear he had, every dream, was scared that he was gonna end up alone in life so he married a woman that he didn't love in that way. Of course now days he spends every waking moment trying to convince every one who will listen that she is in fact perfect and he loves her more than anything. I call his bull shit a lot. Hell I'm not even nice to him. I have everything I need to destroy him, all in his own pen. But see that's not the girl I am, and well I really don't like the wife, so eh I am a bitch. What ever. I guess I can deal, besides love is blind, right?

So if say 9 out of 10 loves don't last, why do we want it so bad? What is it that makes us yearn for this malfunction of the heart? Its that delicious high we get when that person speaks our name, touches our skin, breathes on our neck. Yes! Its a higher form of lust! Lust with a need for that person. Not just a need for them physically, but emotionally, and a need for their happiness to be met above the needs and happiness of your self.

Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. ~Robert Heinlein

Why would we sacrifice it all, put our hearts in such limbo for something that may very well be fleeting? Does forever exist? I mean can it really work?

Some one I adore told me that I needed to make me happy because at the end of the day its what really matters. Then why was my response "you make me happy." He responded with something very similar.

Why is my heart not ready to run at the first sign of the "L" word. The word that every one craves, that feeling. I know this path, I have been there before. So why is it that right now I am fearless, where before the thought alone frightened me into building walls. My brain keeps telling me that I should be logical and let this go. Just take my heart out of the equation and don't risk it. But I have a need for this man. I have a gut deep need for him. That yes is scary. But being with him, caring for him, none of that scares me.

Its the attachment that goes along with love that scares me. Like I said earlier, who willingly puts their heart out there to possibly get smashed like mine was before. Yet here I am again, putting it in some one else's hands, willingly. Yes I know that chances are it wont work out, but I also know that chances are that this could be it for me.

And it begins again

So the last time I posted, I was just starting Veterinary Technology classes. Since then, I have graduated college and now hold my Associates of Applied Science degree in Veterinary Technology and am now a licensed Veterinary Technician here in Nebraska! Go me, right? Yeah I love the job. I put a lot of work into it. I spent hours upon hours studying for the VTNE, or Veterinary Technology National Exam, or the boards. Most exciting thing in my life to this point!

Adam and I ended our 5.5 year relationship, now comes the fun of splitting assets and doing something about the house we bought together. Even more fun, right... Things were bad for a while. I feel horrible that I have once again hurt him. But truth of the matter is it just wasn't working and we weren't happy so why prolong it...

In August I went on vacation with 6 of my closest girl friends. We had a blast, Miami, Key West, Bahamas... We cant wait for our next cruise. Amazing. While there we did so many things and had so much fun. I still cant believe I actually got on that boat. Now comes the part that I think was the best. Just an hour or so after getting on the boat, I met some one wonderful, and proceeded to ignore him the whole trip. I was too scared to talk to him. Lets face it, the man is beautiful. There isn't a bad angle to look at him from. Which made him completely intimidating. Apparently I am just as intimidating if you ask him. Cause he spent the whole week trying to figure out how to talk to me with out chickening out. Anyways, the last night he came over and asked me to dance. He spent the evening dancing with my friends and me. We had a blast. I enjoyed the time I had with him. I smiled all night. Every time he touched me I felt an electricity I have never felt in my life. Before we all went back to our cabins for the night he asked my best friend if it was out of line to ask for my phone number, knowing that I had a boyfriend, even if the situation wasn't good. So when she said yes do it, he came over sat next to me and asked if he could keep in touch with me, call me, text me, anything. So I grabbed a napkin, wrote my name and phone number on it, hugged him and said good bye.

The next morning we ported in Miami again. When I woke up and turned on my phone for he for the first time in days, there was a set of text messages waiting. All from him. We talked all day, I mean that like from 7 in the morning to like 1130 or so that night. As the day went on my girl friends all picked on me because of how much I was smiling and seemed to be genuinely enjoying my conversation, apparently they had never seen me smile so much. Tell you how happy I had been?

Now its two months later, to the day, since we met. We talk every day and are planning trips to see each other. I cant wait to hear from him every day. He always finds a way to make me smile. No matter what is going on in my daily life, he amazingly says something to make me feel better. I at the very least get something early every morning to say good morning or tell me that I am missed. For instance, this morning he sent me a wake up text message that read "Morning babe..I feel like today's going to be a great day. The only thing that could make it better is if you were here. Hope you have a good day. Talk to you later." I get something sweet every day.

For the first time in my life I feel like something in this life is right. He makes me want things I never thought I wanted. Yes this scares me. A lot. The attraction I have to him, is huge. I have never felt anything like it. I go to bed every night and pray for this man, I smile every time some one says his name. I am giddy when my phone rings and his name is on it. I am like a teenager, but well the feeling is bigger. I have to say this is where i am confused. I met him two months ago, spent a few hours with him, some how I miss him. How is that possible? I care about him a lot. I cant imagine a world with out him. Again, that scares me.

The thing is I live in Nebraska, he is in DC. I can do my job anywhere, hes told where he has to be, and he loves his job. So if this works out, I could end up half way across the country. See he is a Marine so its not like he can just up and leave when he wants to. This is gonna be the most challenging relationship of my life, but I know that if we try we can make it work. Distance is the biggest enemy we have. Honestly that does not scare me at all. Above all, I know that I cant wait to see his beautiful face again. I cant wait to hold him, touch him, be with him. It so much more than a need to be intimate with some one. I crave his presence. How crazy do I sound?

I know I am never online anymore. Theres been so much going on in my life lately that it has been hard for even me to keep up with myself.
I start Vet Tech school this morning. Lets hope I can keep up with the huge coarse load. I had to cut back hours at work in order to participate in the program, thats scary to me. I took student loans to cover the rest of my expenses. If I make it through I will graduate in May of 2010. I am excited but nervous to go.
My baby sister (reffered to as Munchkin) got married two Saturdays ago. Im so happy for her. She made a beautiful bride. She has a great husband.
Adam and I went through some troubled times, but I brought them all on us. We are getting back on track and i am doing my best to be more worthy. Trust me I wasnt.
Im learning now that its hard to let go of people who were your friends. When they change and become a friend in a different compacity, thats very hard. Ive learned a lot of tough lessons lately. I hope to overcome all of those lessons and take from them the appropriae information.
I feel like God forgot about me some days, but I am working on that too. So keep me in your prayers. Right now I need them. Desperately.

dealing with death

So its been a long while since I last sat down and wrote to anyone. Theres been so much going on lately that I have felt all turned around. Im feeling the stress of school really badly right now. I never realized all those years in high school how easy it all came to me. Now I feel like the dumb kid in class, but really thats only when he hands us a test and my brain goes completely blank.
I finally got to go home. However it wasnt under the most favored circumstances. My wonderful Uncle David died. He was a great inspiration and a very dear loved one in my life. He showed me one of the few stable men that I have ever really known. He stepped in when ever I needed some one far more than even I realized. He was always there when I needed some one to talk to and some how had this knack for just showing up at my home when I needed some one the most. I never knew how he did that but he always did. I think in my four years in high school that he may have gone to more of my school functions than my own dad did. Sad, right. Well thats just how he was. He always knew just how to make you laugh or how to make you feel better when you felt like total crap.
I remember this one time right before I moved away from Houston, I was at home alone for the weekend. He called to check on me and mom during the day one day. I talked to him for a bit then he said he would see me later. Well about two hours or so later he showed up. I think he knew I was getting a little depressed with my mom getting married and pending move. He sat with me for a few hours while we talked and he prayed with me. When Uncle David left I felt a sense of relief where I had felt a bit of emptiness. Not that it cured it, but he made sure that I knew that I was not alone. I really needed it.
Its memories like that, that make me wish that I had been closer the last few years. He was always stressing to me that family was so important. He always told me not to give up on my dad. I never have. I just reserve the right to be pissed. He would tell me that he wished there was more he could do. What I wish I could say to him now is that he couldnt have done more to make a lost girl feel more loved in a world where she was confused and lonely. There were so many other things that he and my Aunt Ramona did for us. They will never know how much I love them. Even if I call every day and tell her what he meant to me, what he still means to me.
No, I didnt call often. Hell almost never. But thats how I deal with the crap. When Im hurt, I ball up and do it else where. I have a very hard time grieving. Yep we put him to rest over a week ago and Im still having problems crying or putting those feelings in motion. I cant bring myself to cry. The most Ive done is a little bit of tear shed during a few songs. I feel like I cant do it. Like crying over him would be like the loss I felt with my Nana.
Over my Nana, I cried day and night. I would wake up in cold sweats then call my mom and cry for a few more hours. I was pathetic. I just dont know if I can go through that again. I had so much guilt over not being there or not calling that I just broke down. I still miss her so much that I dream about her. I dream that shes calling me to come to her, when I get there shes gone. Ive never been more torn over anything. Thats how death makes me feel. Torn. Now if only I could deal a little better, I would be able to move on.

ah me!

I know its been a while since I really posted regularly. I get on my kicks where I have no time for anything but school and work. Ok who am I trying to lie to? I am still on one. This quarter at school is already proving to be harder than I thought it would be. Its more Chemistry involved than I was expecting. If anyone remembers back that far, Chemistry sucked. I had alot of trouble in that class, though I passed.

Skip to now. I am only awake at this ungodly hour because I was supposed to have a class this morning. Well it snowed like 4 inches last night, and is still snowing. So I have decided it not a good idea to try to get out of the house.

My baby sister, Hope is now in Korea. I have to say its weird to know she is half way around the world. Not that she hasnt been gone before. Just this time will be a long stay. Not real sure how long, but it could be up to 18 months if I understood it correctly. Thats ok though, her fiance will be there in February so I wont worry as much then.

Life here has changed very little since my last real post. Well other than the one about Omaha. Things are pretty much the same. Every one is driving me nuts with "why arent you guys married?" questions. I hate that question.

Christmas is almost here and Im so not done shopping. Though I only have a few to buy for now! I love this season. Even though it makes me broke every year! I cant help it, I love the decorations and every thing else! For the first year I feel like I have out done myself. I have gotten a few little gifts that will be so much better than anything anyone can give adam. Last year I felt like I may have been the one he didnt get the cool stuff from. This year I know they cant beat me! Hah! I know that sounds stupid but it is soo true!

I hope every ones holidays are good! I promise to post more in the future! I will try this time not to be a stranger for so dang long!

Omaha

On Wednesay, December 5, 2007 at approximately 1:42 pm (CST), Robert Hawkins walked int the Von Maur store, in the Westroads Mall in Omaha, Nebraska. With him was an assault riffle and he used that to kill 8 people, and himself. These men and women all started their day thinking that it would be a normal, run of the mill day. But it wasnt. This deeply disturbed boy hurt so many more people than just the 8 that were killed that day.

I want to thank all of you who have called, texted, or emailed in the last week to check on my family and me. It is of great comfort to know that you all care. My family and I were luckily all at home, work or school at the time when the mall shootings here in Omaha occurred on Wednesday. My brother, Matthew, and I work less than a mile from the mall that this transpired in.

I just want to tell you all that I love you and thank you for being a friend to me. I have learned that every person who is in your life is there for a reason. Even if you rarely talk to them. Events like this let me know what a large support group I have. Though I was not personally affected by this in any way other than shock, disbelief and grief for these people I did not know.

You never think that a tragedy such as this one will ever happen so close to your home. Yet I live 10 minutes from the Westroads Mall. Matthew lives less than a 5 minute drive from it. It really gives you a wake up call to tell every one you love just how much you do love them.

I drive past the Westroads every day. This afternoon on the way to work, I could not help but cry. You see, people are leaving memorials infront of the Von Maur store, and it is visible from the road. Omaha has become my home, and I love this city. I have several friends who were in the store that day, who fortunately left the store before the shootings occurred. One of which walked out only 10 minutes before hand. Call it luck, fate or what ever you will. I will count my blessings that these friends are still here with us.

Its so easy to disconnect from the world when you see some random act of violence happen. We sit glued to our televisions and scour the internet for information about them. This boy, Robert Hawkins, said he was going to be famous. Unfortunately he is now, and he is famous for all the wrong reasons. Yet I feel nothing but pity on him. If some one had just taken the time to actually show him love and support, maybe this could have been stopped before he thought of it. It has really made me think about how I treat people. I sincerely hope it will do the same for every one who reads this.

I ask for the prayers of all of you, no matter what faith you chose to practice, for the families of the victims. They have a long road ahead of them to recovery. In particular I ask you for the prayers for the family of one of my co-workers. Her mom was an employee at Von Maur and was one of the victims, Beverly Flynn. Though I do not know her, nor do I know that I have met the daughter, she is a part of my Marriott family.

With each breath you take, remember that you are not ensured another. Live with out regrets and remember to let those you love know it. You never know when you will or if you will see them again. I for one will hold on a little tighter to my loved ones from now on. Thank you.

Please Vote for Me!

http://www.picture.com/voteforme/photovote1.asp?PID=2359519

I entered one of my tiger pictures in a photo contest!!! I would appreciate if anyone would go in and rate my photo!!! Thanks.

More Omaha Zoo

Oh so sleepy... I think they were fed sleeping pills!

I love the White Tigers, ok who am I kidding I love the big cats!

This tiger is pregnant and has three legs!

Oh yeah its nap time in Omaha

Sleepy Momma

Im a playful gal.

Nap time!

Play time with the baby gorillas
Kitty Feet

Big kitty feet

Smile..

Nap time at the big cat house

Sleepy Kitty

I want your food!!!

These two were just too pretty not to capture.

Zoo Pics

So i dont know if you all noticed it or not, but I love the big cats. I seriously think that they fed them sleeping pills that morning. There just werent many that were awake. I really hope that you guys are enjoying them! I have lots more but well they are on Adam's computer and I had these in an email at work. Let me know what you think!

Omaha Zoo

Im gonna get you!!!

Im so pretty!

I loved this guy!


You look pretty yummy...

RAWRRRR!!!!

Gorillas!

Absolute Power!

I mock you!

Believe it or not these guys were fighting...

The eye of the Tiger...

Take my picture lady!

Cat nap?

Baby Deer!

Look at my pretty crown...

Im ready for my close up!

Can you tell i love the sleepy ones?

Caged Beauty

Pretty Bird

Sleepy Bear!

He reminds me of my lazy doggie!

This here Polar Bear was the Bombdiggity!

The new baby seal!!!! Isn't he cute! I sure thought so.

im sure ive done this before

1. What is your middle name? Michelle

2. What is your nick name? Mandie, Turtle(adam), Shortcake(Hope), Amanda Lou(Anastasia), Dr. Moore (Silile), Deeze(Kevin)

3. What color are your bed sheets? Blue

4. How many cell phones have you owned over the years? Four

5. What is your title at work? Lead Agent

6. Where is your computer located? In the Computer Room

7. How many credit cards do you have? One

8. What kind of car do you drive? 1990 Ford Ranger

9. What color is it? Gold

10. If you could spend 1 day doing ANYTHING you want what would you do and where would you go? With my family, all of them, hanging out! At home in Texas of coarse! Who cares what we would do as long as we were all there!!

11. What is your favorite cologne/perfume? Gossip

12. Hot dogs or hamburgers? I love them both!

13. Fave type of music? Anything by Elvis

14. Do you have any pets? Yes Two beautiful doggies! Patton and Ginger

15. Do you floss? Most of the time!

16. Favorite breakfast food? Oh my goodness i love breakfast!! I dont have a favorite!

17. Yankee Candle or Party-lite? Any thing that smells wonderful!

18. Fave fast food restaurant? Jack In The Box!!!!

19. Fave "mall" store? Pac Sun or Wet Seal

20. Sunrise or Sunset? I like them both. but I see sunset more often because I am actually up!

21. Best childhood memory? Any and all the include my best friend Kristy Sue

22. What is your sweethearts "love" nickname? Turkey

23. Favorite pie? Pumpkin

24. Favorite salad dressing? Ranch. It goes good on everything!

25. Movie that best describes your life? I have not one clue!!!

26. Do you have business cards with your name on them? Nope

27. How many siblings do you have? I have 2 sisters and 5 brothers.

28. Fave snack foods? Rye chips from Gardettos, Chewy Chips Ahoy, Fig Newtons.... I could go on and on....

29. Have you ever met anyone in "real life" that you first knew from online? My Daddy Bill and my Adam, ok my friend James too

30. Fave chat program? Im not a chatter.

31. What time is it right now? 0413 am

32. What is the last thing you ate & drank? Tuna salad and cherry coke with fiery Habanero Doritos...

33. Did you make someone smile today? I sure Hope so

34. Did you tell someone you loved them today? Yes I have

35. Do you ever wish upon a star? Nope not anymore

36. If you could meet two people that you've never met before who would they be? Jesus and Princess Diana

37. How many pieces of clothing are you wearing right now & what are they? Two, My t-shirt and undies...

38. Do you recycle? Yes. I give a hoot about all that fun stuff!

39. Favorite fruit? Strawberries

AND last but not least.. this one will take some thought!!!! (Be honest but not TOO honest if you know what i mean LMAO)

40. From the time you first awake in the morning till you're completely showered, dressed & ready to leave for work or play - how many different "products" do you use & what are they? Dood, Soap, moisturizer, makeup, shampoo, toothpaste mouthwash deodorant and i know i missed alot!!!

Kansas City!

Well this weekend was our trip to Kansas City! We spent the weekend at the Marriott Overland Park. I love that hotel. Seriously if you are ever there, go for it. I love that hotel.

So Saturday night we went right to the ball park! I love Kauffman Stadium. Its truly one of my favorite stadiums! The Royals didnt even put up a fight, giving up 5 runs in the first inning alone. But hey its just not their year. When it is then I will be happy. Though the Indians are doing fantastically. Thats who they played. We really had a great time! My main man David De Jesus made a crazy catch that no one could believe that he caught. I do so think he is my new favorite player.

On Sunday we were both too tired to do anything just about. We just drove around and went and ate. Then went back to the hotel and went swimming, yes me the queen of water phobia, went swimming. It was a very nice and relaxing day.

Yesterday we spent the afternoon in good old Independence, Mo. I bet you are wondering what the heck is in that town... Well I will tell you. The Harry Truman Presidential Library and Museum. That was a totally cool place. We spent 3 hours in the museum looking at the exhibits, visiting his grave and just strolling around. Seriously if you ever get out there, its totally cool and you will not regret it. Plus hell, now i can say I have have stood 6 feet from a president! Seriously! Truman and his wife are both burried in the courtyard of the museum.

So now that you know I am a bit of a history nerd, I will leave you to your devices!

Learn something new every day and you will never grow too old...

Then there was two.

Ever know you just wanted to be alone? I mean no dating, no one to talk to, just alone. I was like that a little more than two years ago. That was me, the day I moved to Omaha. I moved to be near my mom, where I knew I could just heal. I knew I could just be, but not be forgotten.

Then I met Adam. Ok I chatted with him, then he became a pretty good friend. We would chat for hours. He asked me out on numerous occassions over the month and a half that we talked before I accepted a date.

Our first date was very nice. I knew I wanted to see him again, but wasnt sure I wanted another boyfriend so very soon. So I kind of kept him at an arms length. We went out for the first time in April, then I didnt see him again until the end of May. Though we did talk every single night up until that point. He would ask me if he had done something wrong that I didnt want to see him again.

Finally I realized I wasnt going to get hurt if I never put myself back out there and even worse I would definantly never find anything worth having if I didnt allow myself to feel anything. So I asked him out on a second date. This time we stayed out and talked for hours. I dont think I came home until 0600 the next morning. Seriously we didnt even kiss that night. We just sat around and talked and watched movies. It was fun.

After that night we were pretty much joined to the hip. We would hang out just about every night and on my days off. If we didnt have anything to do, we would just drive around. We had a whole lot of fun. Then my sister and brother, Hope and Matt, moved to Omaha. Hope wasnt here long cause she joined the Airforce. But the house was pretty crowded and I decided to get an apartment.

So In August my friend Jessica and I got our apartment. Adam would stay most of the night then either go to his sisters or home. Usually only to call in the early morning hours to see if he could come back. Eventually I just gave him a key since Jess liked having him around. I mean who wouldnt, he was a good cook, quiet and nice. If he wasnt there Jess would ask when he was gonna be home, as if he was on the lease with the two of us. So the three of us lived in the little apartment for a year.

Then after that year was up we moved in to his apartment, then we bought our house in December. Its like I was this single, miserable person then there was Adam. Now Im a happy girl who has accomplished so many things just by the little bit of encouragement that he has provided me with. I never in a million years would have thought that I would eventually own a home. Especially not one that is this nice, and we own a pretty average house. I moved around just enough as a child that I never thought it would happen. Then I got a loser boyfriend and didnt go back to school after high school like i should have. Then I got my wonderful Adam, and he encouraged me to go back to school and here I am two years from graduation!

I read a blog earlier that asked if you believed in soul mates. My reaction to that question really always has been no. I may not have a soul mate but I do have partner in life and all that it may bring, even though we are not married and really have no plans for it. We just live for the every day and hope for the best. At the end of the day, even if we are mad at each other, we are happy with each other and thats all I need to know.

So its been a while since my last post. I figured I would have more time this summer, but well I just havent. Things have been busy between home and work and school. I just finished my summer coarse, Medical Terminology 2, and now I am in between Summer and Fall quarters. I start Biology 1 the first week of September. I find myself wanting to scream, "I need a break!!!" But I just keep going.

I once again got turned down for Grants, due to "I make too much money." But I am so damn broke its pathetic. I mean sure I pay my bills but I never have enough to pay school and buying books kills me. You should see my credit card! Its all school! It sucks that is for sure. So I applied for student loans and am now waiting on my information on that. Im really not looking forward to that.

So I got in the mood to change things tonight! Let me know what you think of the new layout! Im trying new things what can I say?

In other news, this weekend will be the yearly Kansas City trip I love so much! We are leaving Omaha on Saturday morning to go watch some Royals baseball! Royals vs. Indians. Cant wait! Adam and I will be staying in beautiful Overland Park, Kansas! I love the Marriott there. Then again if you got a few free nights just to fill out a quiz and take a tour, you would too!

I entered a photo contest with a picture I took at the zoo of a tiger. Maybe I will get those on here and see what every one thinks. But hey no promises, Im terribly behind these days! Ok I got a ton to do and need some sleep! Later taters!

warning, this is emotional for me...

Have you ever known some one whose life touched yours in a way that you can not explain? Well I have. You know that person who is just your friend, not the person you married or the person you have some lifetime connection with. I mean some one who came into your life for a season, like a coworker or a teacher. That is the kind of person I will be telling you about today.

About two years ago, I moved to the department I am in now at work. This is when I met him for the very first time. He was off in his little corner working on the disaster bulletin as we had just had a hurricane and needed to keep updated information on our hotels. So I thought to myself that he was a very hard worker and kind of kept to himself. Then I started to get to know him and learned there was a wonderful person sitting next to me.

A few months into my endeavor at the lead desk, my friend became ill. To be honest he had been ill a long time, but this was new to me. I never knew that he was sick, to be honest it wouldnt have made a difference in our friendship. So I sent get well cards and such and in a month or so he was back to work and we were picking on him about all the pills he was taking. He was such a good sport about it all.

One afternoon he walked up to me and had that usual sly grin on his face. I said "Ok now what are you up too?" He just grinned and poked me in the side. To this he says " You know that I am gay right?" Well yeah I knew, so then he just laughs like it was a huge secret, "I think you have the cutest figure." That actually made me blush a little.

I worked on two committees with him. That was the Birthday and Team Building Committees. He was always there making me laugh while we worked on projects.

Some of my favorite memories of him were when we would be in a meeting and he would lighten the mood a little with a story. In particular I loved to hear him talk about telling his mom he was gay. She just sat there and clicked her finger nails and said "guess I wont be getting any damned grand kids from you." He did the funniest impression of her.

One afternoon we were under a tornado warning and the managers put us all under our desks. I am famous for my fear of these storms at work. David got up and walked around, when a manager walked by and told us to get under our desks again, he responed with "Well Im gonna die one day anyways so I think I will stay here." This I have to admit cracked me up a bit. But at that point I had no idea how ill he really was. I still have a picture I took with my cell phone of him that day.

I remember the last time I saw him at work. I had been ill. (I guess part of me will always feel guilty for hugging him that day, even though the illness had nothing to do with me.) He had been having some problems and was not feeling so well but I guess part of me knew it. The next afternoon Iheard some one say that he was slurring words and such that afternoon and was going to the doctor for some tests. I was worried some what and called my mom to ask for some prayer.

The next week was a bit of a challenge at work, I began hearing things like he was on an extended medical leave. Then one evening I was in Alpha and our "bat phone" rang. It was him. He was just calling cause he wanted to say hello. I talked a bit and he filled me in on just how bad it really was.

Then in the end of April we got the email telling us that if we wanted to see him again where we needed to go visit. To please do it sooner rather than later, he only had a few weeks to live. So a few of us sat to work and gave the team a project. Why send real flowers when we could make him some. So our team (work) made him paper flowers.

The morning of May 9th, I got the call from my boss. He had passed over the last night. I just kind of sat there in disbelief. Even at work I refused to really cry. It wasnt until the funeral, when they began to speak that I broke down. My friend Christy held my hand through it. We cried together as a team and as friends that day. He made our world a better place to be.

My friend was David Cantrell. I know that he was not some one I knew for a long time, nor that well. But he was some one that made a lasting impression on me and who never ceased to make me smile. There really should be more David's in this world.

**** Im sorry if this story jumps around and is a little out of place. It took me forever to figure out just how to say you love some one who never knew it.

I wore mine, did you?

So, Ive been watching CNN all week, as I always do. This week, though, has been crazy for us. Adam has even been watching for the newest information, mainly out of horror and shock. We have said a thousand prayers and cried along with them this week. Though neither of us have any ties to Virginia Tech, we have been glued to the news.
I am a student, so I have been thinking about what this would feel like. I know that is crazy. I have been thinking about those students and wondering if I would have been able to try to save the others in my class, if I were in their shoes. I know, I know. Its silly. But it makes you look around a little when you are going to class now. I watch the people in the hall ways. I scrutinize every one I pass at school, in the store, every where I go. This is sad.
But for today, I wore my marroon and orange. This was to show support for these students and family members. I saw on the news that they were asking people to do this. So I did, Adam did, and so did a few of my friends at work. I even painted my nails marroon. Not a far stretch for me since I have more marroon clothing and polish and doodads than most people. Its one of my favorite colors and the color of my favorite college so I was geared up. I looked like the sick little cheerleaders on game day. Only this time it was to show that I too, am thinking about those students and teachers who were so senselessly murdered on Monday.
Like Columbine, this will live in my memory for years to come. It will live in my mind forever as a day we sat in shock and wondered why some one would do this. I just dont understand. That guy was totally whacked. I really feel for his family, they will probably be hated because of his actions. My prayers are just as much with that boys family as they are with the other families of the actual victims. Afterall, they too lost a loved one, even if he was sick and demented, that is not their fault. He made his family a victim of his crime with his actions that day. So my prayers are with every family who lost some one that day, every friend who lost a friend and every one who was touched in any way by this act.
So I wore mine, did you?

Please Support this Cause!!!!

Have you ever wondered if there was anything you could do to make a difference in some one's life? Well here is an opportunity! My friend Kris is participating in Team in Training. It is a program that helps Leukemia patients and their families. Shes half way to her goal! 75% of the money raised goes directly to these patients and their families. Proceeds do not go to some rich doctor!!!! Please open your hearts and give what ever you can! Every penny counts!

life at our house

Things are crazy at the Kucirek-Moore casa these days. We now have two doggies. Yep two. The newest addition is Ginger, a 4 year old Carolina. She is totally cute but scared of every thing. She is just in love with Adam. She is a sweet dog and we just love her. She is technically Carey's dog but well we take care of her and would be very sad if she was to leave us. We just love this dog, as if I havent said that twice now.
Im doing pretty well in school! I got a 76 on my second Chem test. Yes sir, I am very proud of that! Especially after totally bombing the first test. In Medical Terminology, I have had three tests and the scores are as follows: 94, 86, 83! Go me! Not to toot my own horn but I am totally kickin medical terminology butt!
I am currently supporting three causes. One is my friend Kris, who is participating in Team in Training to raise money for Leukemia patients! Go girl! Tomarrow I will be participating in the MS walk to support Multiple Sclerosis. Then on the 29th of April I will be participating in Walk America to support the March of dimes, walking to save babies. To support Kris see my top entry, to support me and Team Hope in the March of Dimes Walk America, see my side bar at the top!
My baby brother was in an accident so now he is looking for a new vehichle. Im just thanking God that he is still here. His truck some how had a carbon dioxide leak into it. Since his windows were rolled up it filled the cabin of his truck and he fell asleep. He took out a light pole and then came to a stop 30 feet from the busy, rush hour traffic, interstate. Then if he hasnt had it hard enough, he then went into work the other day and his boss gave him the boot for "walking off the job." Baffles us cause he left when he was supposed to just like he did every day. So now he is looking for a new job as well. Prayers are really needed hes not feeling like much of a winner at the moment. Poor kid. I am trying to get him to come apply with Marriott. We may sit on the phone all day but hell you can get some killer bonus checks. When I was on the sales floor I could easily double my check in bonuses. I am really praying for the kid.
Other than all this we are having life as usual! Maybe it will stay that way or even get better!!!

Edition #19

Thirteen Things heard around my house this week.... 1. "Monster, did you feed the General?" 2. "Is that really possible, I mean come on its not that common." 3. "Dont pick it up with your feet! Damn!" 4. "We dont bite mommy!!!" 5. "Vaccuuming is fun!" 6. "Dont mind him, hes the captain of dream land." 7. "Hon, the dog ate the landscaping lights...." 8. "You're on poop duty." 9. "My mommy loves me more than my mommy loves you!" 10. "Can you believe she has never had Bar B Que before?" 11. "Did Amanda just say ASS, umm Im telling..." 12. "Dont look at that commercial, Im sure I know exactly what kind of ring you really want.... Walmarts finest cubic zirconia, right?" (smack) 13. "Stupidity makes my day...." Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

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