warning, this is emotional for me...

Have you ever known some one whose life touched yours in a way that you can not explain? Well I have. You know that person who is just your friend, not the person you married or the person you have some lifetime connection with. I mean some one who came into your life for a season, like a coworker or a teacher. That is the kind of person I will be telling you about today.

About two years ago, I moved to the department I am in now at work. This is when I met him for the very first time. He was off in his little corner working on the disaster bulletin as we had just had a hurricane and needed to keep updated information on our hotels. So I thought to myself that he was a very hard worker and kind of kept to himself. Then I started to get to know him and learned there was a wonderful person sitting next to me.

A few months into my endeavor at the lead desk, my friend became ill. To be honest he had been ill a long time, but this was new to me. I never knew that he was sick, to be honest it wouldnt have made a difference in our friendship. So I sent get well cards and such and in a month or so he was back to work and we were picking on him about all the pills he was taking. He was such a good sport about it all.

One afternoon he walked up to me and had that usual sly grin on his face. I said "Ok now what are you up too?" He just grinned and poked me in the side. To this he says " You know that I am gay right?" Well yeah I knew, so then he just laughs like it was a huge secret, "I think you have the cutest figure." That actually made me blush a little.

I worked on two committees with him. That was the Birthday and Team Building Committees. He was always there making me laugh while we worked on projects.

Some of my favorite memories of him were when we would be in a meeting and he would lighten the mood a little with a story. In particular I loved to hear him talk about telling his mom he was gay. She just sat there and clicked her finger nails and said "guess I wont be getting any damned grand kids from you." He did the funniest impression of her.

One afternoon we were under a tornado warning and the managers put us all under our desks. I am famous for my fear of these storms at work. David got up and walked around, when a manager walked by and told us to get under our desks again, he responed with "Well Im gonna die one day anyways so I think I will stay here." This I have to admit cracked me up a bit. But at that point I had no idea how ill he really was. I still have a picture I took with my cell phone of him that day.

I remember the last time I saw him at work. I had been ill. (I guess part of me will always feel guilty for hugging him that day, even though the illness had nothing to do with me.) He had been having some problems and was not feeling so well but I guess part of me knew it. The next afternoon Iheard some one say that he was slurring words and such that afternoon and was going to the doctor for some tests. I was worried some what and called my mom to ask for some prayer.

The next week was a bit of a challenge at work, I began hearing things like he was on an extended medical leave. Then one evening I was in Alpha and our "bat phone" rang. It was him. He was just calling cause he wanted to say hello. I talked a bit and he filled me in on just how bad it really was.

Then in the end of April we got the email telling us that if we wanted to see him again where we needed to go visit. To please do it sooner rather than later, he only had a few weeks to live. So a few of us sat to work and gave the team a project. Why send real flowers when we could make him some. So our team (work) made him paper flowers.

The morning of May 9th, I got the call from my boss. He had passed over the last night. I just kind of sat there in disbelief. Even at work I refused to really cry. It wasnt until the funeral, when they began to speak that I broke down. My friend Christy held my hand through it. We cried together as a team and as friends that day. He made our world a better place to be.

My friend was David Cantrell. I know that he was not some one I knew for a long time, nor that well. But he was some one that made a lasting impression on me and who never ceased to make me smile. There really should be more David's in this world.

**** Im sorry if this story jumps around and is a little out of place. It took me forever to figure out just how to say you love some one who never knew it.

Perfect memories

I have this perfect memory. To others when I have talked it has been romantic. To me its perfect in the fact that I dont have distaste for him. I do for so many of my exboyfriends. But with the exception of one other they all did things that hurt me terribly...
I wonder if everyone has that perfect memory that never quite leaves them. The one that you keep pictures of because it makes you remember the hurt that defined you, but makes you smile because the love was real...
That is how it was. It was hurtful.. Actually born of hurt, pain and dishonesty on behalf of another whom I considered a friend. Kept secret and confidential. None knew of it. Now few do. He made me smile, laugh and let me cry and held me up while I did so. Something I dont allow to be done. I hide my face if at all possible.
I remember this one day when he was at the school. I was supposed to be in class but Mr. Kilgore knew that I needed him and he was there out of need of some one as well. So I spent two class periods alone with him in the auditorium. We sat towards the middle, cause the back is where everyone looked for you. And we didnt want to be messed with. He grabbed my hand and led me to that center section and we just sat there and talked. That was really the real beginning. Before that he had been my friend whom I was hurting with. Whom I leaned on for the support I needed at that point for the things everyone said about us. The things that were untrue. That was born of a simple night out with a friend. The night I still have framed in my bedroom for the whole world to see. That I have refused to remove through every boyfriend and all those who thought that he was just a nice looking guy I got lucky enough to take to that formal event.
No maybe he was in that picture. He was a date that I took because I needed some one and he offered to take me so that I would not have to go to a banquet where I was being honored with a high award, alone. Like I did all the banquets and other formals in the past. So I attended prom that year with my sister, and the next was the only year I took anyone else. This being another one that meant something to me. But not what he meant. I would have rather had him there over anyone. But that night was special. There were circumstances that kept us so secretive. Mainly the hurt, pain and words that had hurt us in the past year.
There were those who would whisper every time he came to the school. But there was this one particular moment. I graduated from high school.. I walked out the doors, as I was walking past an indention in the building where there was a door, some one grabbed my arm gently and pulled me in there. I just kinda looked surprised. He hugged me, kissed me and told me that no matter where life took us, he would always carry me with him. Yep Ive never told anyone about that. But its on my mind. And I find my self thinking of him and that day and a few others quite frequently.

Cherished Memory

I wonder some times if you think about me,
And think to your self what might have been.

I think about you sometimes,
And pray that your happy.

I think about the good times,
And smile remembering them all.

I think of the great many things you taught me,
And wonder if some how I taught you as well.

I sit and cry thinking I lost a friend,
And think to myself how beautiful it was.

I wonder if we will ever be friends like we once were,
And try to get my heart to feel a little less.

I think about how you picked me up when I needed you,
And wish I had been able to do the same for you.

I know that in the end my love wasnt as strong as yours,
And I wish for you the best life can bring.

I have nothing but a memory,
And I cherish it above most.

I hope you can one day think of me and smile,
And know this old friend has nothing but love for you still.

I know God did not have this in his will,
And in my heart I will always know it was real.