This is a meme from Kris!!! What I have to do is reveal 5 things about myself that my readers and friends may not know! So here goes!!!

1. I love ducks! Little yellow ducks! They are the coolest! I have close to 100 of them and my family encourages it for some reason! I think Adam wishes that they wouldnt!

2. I have ugly feet! I hate my feet. But for some reason I keep them pretty well manicured. If there is even a spec of polish missing, I will remove it to put on fresh polish!

3. I have a scar on my left knee that is like a white line. I got it when I was having xrays and when they couldnt see the bones in my knee, they drained the fluid off. Well when they stuck the needle in place, my leg twitched. Well yeah that ripped back the skin, yuck I know, but still it happend. The good news is they could see the xrays that time! I still have problems with that knee though!

4. Every one knows I have 2 sisters, but what I dont talk about often is that I have 4 brothers. William who is in Texas, Christopher and Matthew who are here in Omaha, and Alan who is stationed in Hawaii and whose wife has a baby due any day now. So I am gonna be an aunt for the frist time some time soon! Its a boy!!!

5. My grandfather was in the Navy in WWII and stationed in Pearl Harbor when it was attacked! If he had not lived through that, I would not be here! Thank God for survival!

Now I am supposed to tag 5 people to do this but I will leave it up to you! Join in if you would like to do this meme! Let me know if you do though, that way I can see yours!!!

Edition #4

Thirteen resons that Wednesday sucked! 1. It all started Tuesday evening! We all know I work late late nights. I got a Jury Duty summons, and had call in after 5:00 pm on Tuesday to see if my name had been long listed. Sure enough it had been! Jury duty here I come! 2. I didnt get off work until 230 Wednesday morning. Oh joy! 3. 7:00 am came very early on Wednesday morning! Had to be in the car and on the way by 7:45 am. 4. We had to sit in a room for assembly for about an hour waiting for the judge and such to be ready for us, and I didnt bring a book or anything to stay occupied. 5. There was a rude woman in who also got pulled who was talking on her cell phone very loudly, every other word out of her mouth was FUCK. Ok so I dont mind the swearing, but there is a time and place. 6. It decided to get really cold and all I wore was a leather blazer. 7. The questioning for selection lasted forever, and I got short listed. 8. All day long I felt as if my head was gonna explode! 9. Have I mentioned that I thought I would fall asleep in the cold court room while the state attorney explained, reexplained and over explained his questions??? 10. I had to be back at work from 630-230am! Woohoo stay awake! 11. Get to work, every guest who called had a stick in their ass or wanted impossible things! I think not! 12. Have I mentioned I ate a bowl of soup and thats all during the day? 13. Well now its all over and I slept til noon! No more Jury Duty for me! yoohoo no more! Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Stuff

So I am a total idiot. My schedule at work changed recently. On Sundays I work from 630pm to 0230 am. Well my previous schedule had me arriving at 530pm. So for some reason I kicked into stupid gear this afternoon. I was here and working a whole stinking hour early. This is totally a no no in my workplace. So I really dont look forward to the slap on the hand Im gonna get tomarrow. I feel so stupid. Every one else has told me to relax, its not like I mess up on a regular basis. But damn that was just uncalled for.

On the positive front. Adam and I had another house showing this last week. We are seeing that house again this after noon. We may even make an offer on it. So lets all cross our fingers again! With any luck we will get this one. I mean I like the house, its cute, its rather large. But it doesnt have a basement. Which if you live in the midwest, you know this is just standard to have. Im excited all the same. Its even got a fireplace! Yoohooo!!!

Christmas is around the corner. While I hate the commerciality that it has become about. I do love the holiday season. I love decorating the tree, I love the smells, the music. I love it all. I dont, however, love the crazy ranting of what to get for every one. Though I do love to see the joy on their faces when they all open their presents. That alone makes it all worth it to me. I have yet to decide what to get for Adam. But my sisters and his sisters are taken care of. Although I know what I am getting from Adam already, that is if we get this house. Im getting furniture. Shopping for him is totally hard for me. He wants something, he just buys it. So Im thinking, practicle. This is how he likes his gifts anyways. I will probably get him some new blue jeans, socks and shirts. But for his big present, I am sooo stumped!!! I had been contemplating power tools, but I cannot keep up with what he does and doesnt have! Jeeze! Any ideas???

Edition #3

Thirteen Things I love about my boyfriend!!! 1. Even when I am less than cordial, he is always there for me and supportive! 2. When I have had a bad day he tries to do something nice for me. One time I had been super sick and when I got home from an especially crummy day, he had left the lights off then put a teddy bear, chicken noodle soup and a homemade card on the table for me to find when I got home. He was hiding in the closet video taping my reaction. I still love that teddy bear! 3. When I am sick, he takes care of me. He will make sure I have every thing I need, take my temperature, and just about anything else I may need. 4. At the beginning of every week, he sits down and sorts all my vitamins for me! Yep thats a good thing! If it wasnt for him, I would never get my vitamins taken! 5. Sometimes for no reason at all, he will bring me flowers! He is the only person to ever do that for me! 6. This past summer, he dared to take me to Chicago to watch baseball! This was mighty daring because is was the White Sox vs. Astros. Which at the time was a world series repeat!!! I am an Astros fan, so I was totally hated in that crowd, and every person who said something about it, he was ready to step in for me! It so could have gotten his ass kicked, but he stood up for me anyways!!! 7. He took me to my first opera this year. That was one of the coolest experiences ever! 8. I have these horrindous nightmares that I would not wish on anyone, not even my worst enemy. He will wake me up every time and let me know that it was just a dream which makes me feel so much better. 9. Thunderstorms... I was traumatized as a child when we were unable to leave our home and we rode out Hurricane Andrew. From that point forward (I was 10), I have never dealt with thunderstorms the same. He doesn't make fun of me or anything, he just tries to help me to get through them all. 10. He understands. I have a situation with my father that is rather uncomfortable that I generally choose not to share with the world. He just isnt accepted in the general public. He doesnt make me feel like my family should be shamed. Instead he tells me that it is my choice to deal with him the best way I can. He never ever has ridiculed my father, though I have told him enough to make him seriously hate the man. 11. He has dealt with my picky nature for a year with house hunting. Every time he has liked a house, I have hated it. We have totally loved just two houses. But chose not to take either. Now I am trying to be less picky on what I want. What about what he wants?? 12. He lets me drive his car when I dont want to drive my truck! I know thats silly, but I sometimes miss my little car. Thats when I swipe his keys! He never gives me a hard time or acts like Im gonna put a dent or a scratch on it. 13. He loves me!!!! Thats the most important one! He makes me feel all warm and fuzzy! He also knows my every fault, yet he never fails to point out where he thinks I am perfect! Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Update

Well the crazy seller lady, counter offered. She wants full asking price or nothing. Shes like queen of never never land at this freaking point. The stuff we would have to do to this house would cost us a good 10000-15000 dollars. Shes on crack. But we have yet again asked for a counter offer to what she wanted. Im ready to throw something. Why does it have to be sooo stressful.......

Now!

Sorry guys, Ive not posted in a few days. Its hectic around my home right now. Its final time at school! My school has quarters instead of semesters, so its more accelerated. Also I had two papers due for my Government class for Monday, and 4 for my Civ class for Friday. I decided to take my weekend to do all of those. Done except one paper! Wooohoo go me! Oh yeah and not to mention mounds of homework on the side of those spur of the moment papers.

Then on Friday, we made an offer on a house we have seen 3 times. So now its the hurry up and wait phase. We should have an answer from the seller by 1800 today! Im a bag of nerves, I think Adam is too! So we have been picking out things we need to get, things we would need to update, and such. Getting too far ahead of ourselves. But hey if they turn it down, theres always other houses. We just really like this one.

Work has been totally interesting. Some lady is pissed that she cant get the hours she wants, so she wants the temps to be gotten rid of! Hello thats me. So Im trying my best to do the best at my job! I need to be seen as an asset! I mean I would just go back to sales but I love my department, so I dont really want that to happen. So is life though, when it gives me lemons, I try to make lemonade.

Life has been totally hectic! Hopefully this will all stop soon! I just need a good nap! Hope you all are doing well!

Thursday Thirteen Edition #2

Thirteen Random things about me... 1. When I get really angry I will cry instead of yell. I really am not confrontational. It gets even worse if it is someone I love that I am angry with! 2. I cant stand to see some one bite their nails. It just grosses me out! I mean come one use a set of nail clippers or a file! 3. Instead of getting addicted to TV shows, now days I get addicted to commercials... You know the ones where there are actors with real people talking about their insurance? I sing along with Little Richard every time, and Adam just wants to throw something at me every time that one comes one... 4. I'm addicted to V8 with pickle juice, and its got to be spicy. I know it sounds gross but I love it! Yes this started as an accident. I got up one night, went to get a pickle and my juice. Well I was watching TV and pored the pickle juice instead of the V8. Well then I thought that there was no going back then. So now 8 years later or so, I still do it, worse my sisters do too.... 5. Probably the most girly thing that I do is my high heels. If Adam had one thing he would change about my habits, it would be my need to give shoes a home. I am in love with High heels! Next on my list of shoes to adopt, black or brown super pointy toed boots, and they need to be knee high!!! I sound like I am looking to adopt a pet don't I???? 6. I recently was introduced to mineral makeup by Adam's sister Sue. Now I am in love with it. Yes it can get pretty expensive, but its wonderful. I used to be so weird, compulsive about makeup removal, now if I fall asleep I don't have to worry about weather or not I will have a whole slew of acne in the morning. I never could do that before. I swear I have had maybe 3 pimples in the 8 months that I have used this makeup! 7. I probably tell Adam that I love him more often than I should, then I get frustrated when he laughs at me. Usually its more like a giggle, yep a giggle, but I get pretty frustrated. I some how became a silly girl all the sudden! 8. I don't really find myself attractive. In fact I really only like maybe two of my attributes, my eyes and my hands. I think I have pretty eyes, even though they are brown and that's generally boring. I love my hands, they remind me of my grandmother, long and slender hands that my mom calls piano hands. I am constantly cutting my finger nails, they just grow so fast that I cant keep up with them! 9. Ive always wanted to sky dive. I hate taking rides in airplanes, but I would love to jump out of one! Now how sick is that. 10. I am the only one of my mother's daughters that doesn't have a tattoo or a belly button piercing. The other two have both, not to mention two tattoos a piece. I just am not a fan of pain, nor am I a fan of needles. Sorry but unless its absolutely necessary, I don't want no needle in me... Who knows maybe one day I will change my mind... 11. If I could go any where in the world, I would travel to Australia. I have a great friend over there, Janelle. I would love to meet her and see various things like the Sydney Opera House. I would also, yet another way I am a big dork, love to go to the Australia Zoo. I loved the Crocodile Hunter, OK! 12. I am a freak over little yellow duckies! Hell who am I kidding, I am a freak over any little duckie! I have about 100 of them, not including my rug in my bathroom, shower curtain and soap dispenser! I know I'm a freak. 13. If I won the lottery, I would still drive my old truck, go to work on a regular basis and shop at walmart. Money would just make my life a little more comfortable and support my home for homeless shoes.... Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Happy Halloween!

I just wanted to take the time to tell everyone who reads this, HAPPY HALLOWEEN! Of coarse I was at work, so no fun for me, but hey thats ok. After tonight I am off three days anyway! Yippee!
So I made Adam a card, while I was totally bored at work tonight! I found the funniest turkey on a website, cut it out, colored it and made him a card. Then on the back colored and pasted a turtle in stead of say a halmark sign.... Now since you are all thinking I am silly, let me explain the turkey and turtle. I have this habit of hiding under the blankets, and having a hole where my little nose and such pokes out for air at night. (making it hard to share blankets) So he calls me his little turtle. He on the other hand is really good at bowling! If you get three strikes, its called a turkey. Well he got them so often, that I started calling him my turkey soon after we started dating seriously. Its stuck. So the card has said funky, funny looking turkey on it. On the front it has little red hearts all around it and says "here's a turkey.... (inside) for my turkey." Then on the back my turtle with "made by turtle industries."
Yep I was being silly. But it was good for taking up some time. Plus I know he will keep it and laugh at it. Which really was the goal. To get a good laugh that is.
Anyways if you want to see funny turkey..... Here he is!
http://www.sandpoint.com/Entertainment/images/coloringbook/turkeycolorbook.gif
Dang thing looks like he swallowed a golf ball!!

Things that have made me think...

At work, I am on a committee for my department. Our particular activity for the month is a food drive. We have been making posters all night. I never knew my hands could hurt so much from coloring! Goodness they are turning our pretty though! Im very proud of this project!

Lately my lovely boyfriend, Adam, has been overly needy. This is not like him. I get ready to go to work, he asks why I have to leave. I always respond with some quick jab about us buying a house! He just frowns that cute puppy dog frown, then whines about me being gone. I get to work, he sends sweet emails about how he misses me. Yep, hes gone mad! No, really, I love it. He's never been so sweet and adorable. I hope the cute boyfriend stays! Maybe he will even start cleaning up the house tooo.....

Bridezilla... Enough said, but wait theres more! Her birthday was Sunday. My baby sister, the munchkin is fuming! So Ive mentioned before that she doesnt have a job, what I havent mentioned is that she has borrowed a whole lot of money from Munchkin. Well seems that her fiance(who was in on the borrowed money since they were both released from jobs at the same time and live together) got her a watch that has a real diamond in it and spent a ton of money on it! Hello, baby on the way! Where are the priorities???

House! We may have found the one! So excited, our friend is going to see it on Wednesday to make sure that theres no electrical or structural damage. Since he is a contractor, this is very helpful. Not to mention that he is Adam's brother in law, so hes really just looking out for our best interest! Plus hes totally A-D-D so he will be rip, roaring, and ready to go on the improvements I would want to do. Hes really good at around the home stuff!! Thank God for Blair!

I fell in love the other day... With a dog! More like a horse, but a dog. Her name was Kitty Cat, she is a 15 month old Great Dane. She had spots like a milk cow! Oh my goodness, she was just so calm, sweet and beautiful. I dont need kids, I think I want her! Adam says that I would probably never be able to have friends over, for her sheer size! I guess people are scared of big dogs! She was only 115 pounds, shes still go a while to grow....

House!

So this week, I went to see a house. I like it. Its got that nice, older home, charm to it. There are somethings we would have to change, and somethings that we wouldnt. All of the things we would change are strictly cosmetic. For starters, the carpet is all original, think red shag on the stairway, red print (that you cant see the print) in the basement, yellow low lines in the bedrooms and brown shag in the living room. All of which is totally ugly! But we can fix that. Theres some ugly brown wainscotting that goes all the way up to about 3 1/2 feet in the living room, hall way and dining room. Theres a faux brick in the kitchen, which I like but Adam hates. I think that gives it the country kitchen charm. Actually it reminds me of a home I frequented as a child, that was a farm family's home. Of coarse it needs new paint, but I like painting! It also needs tiling in the bathroom and kitchen(as it has carpeting now).
All in all though I am excited! What fun! A house of my own I hope!

Bridezille Update

So if any of you have read any of the postings, I think there were two previous to this one, you will know already that my older sister is getting married. Well shes been just horrible to all of us since she got engaged (one month ago or so).
Now it seems she is pregnant. Just how far along, we don't know! She has yet to go to the doctor. Well we all figured that with this being her second wedding and such, she would decide that she needs to put her baby first. No instead, her and her fiance are going to JP it, then they are going to make us all come down there and have her big ass wedding. WHAT!
Have I mentioned that she is PREGNANT! Hello baby needs to come first. Have I also mentioned that currently there is no income! She was fired from her job, he is still between jobs from a lay off! Jeeze, people!
Common sense, you're gonna go get married at the Justice of the Peace! So let the family throw you a huge party after the baby is born since all of us are in Nebraska and North Carolina, then its all done! None of us can afford to come down when the baby is born, then turn around and come down for the wedding a month or two later. This really is what she wants us to do. Like we are made of money.
Today I told her that I can only come down once next year. I will come down when bean is born, then I cant go back for a while, until I have vacation time again. That could be near a year! I told her that after we made out our budget, that I was lucky to get the one trip. I am getting ready to buy a house, I have to pay my bills before I can do anything.
To this she says "well I guess you just don't love me!" WHAT!!!!!! Are you freaking kidding me?? I love her so much it hurts, but I want her to use her head! Now she really is Bridezilla!!!

Thursday Thirteen Edition #1

Thirteen things I am truly thankful for..... 1. I have a great family! I just don't know what I would do with out my sisters, mom, step dad and brothers! They really are the best, even though I complain about at least one of them constantly. 2. I have the best boyfriend in the world, Adam is absolutely wonderful and puts up with everything that I can throw his direction. 3. I am healthy! Yes this is a big deal to me. Half of my family(paternal side) all have died slow painful deaths. This mainly was caused by the need for cigarettes, but there have been many other reasons. I am so thankful that all my tests for various things came back as HEALTHY! 4. I have two of the best friends in the whole world! Kristy Sue and Kevin Andrew. They have stood by my side through it all! I am so thankful to have them in my life. 5. I have a good job, even though right now I am not motivated at all, that keeps my bills paid and allows me to have the comforts I need. 6. I am finally back in school. Yes I'm on my 3rd semester, but it was a really hard thing to finally go back, which was in large part the workings of my lovely counterpart. That of coarse puts me back at my Adam (no. 2). 7. The good Lord has blessed me with many talents, even if I don't use them. I can sing, dance, write poetry (some of which I have had published) and speak well in a public setting. I count these things, used or not, as a great attribute to who I am and my character. 8. Elvis! Yep I said it! I use Elvis music to pull me out of a funk. I can turn on Elvis and be transformed, even if temporarily, into a very hopeful person. Yes I know that can be rather dorky but I do love him! 9. I have a home to call mine, even if it is not a house, yet. I am working on that one, Adam and I just haven't been able to agree on the right home yet. For the meantime though, I am thankful for this apartment that we share. 10. My two beautiful God-daughters, Katherine and Jaden. They always manage to make me smile. I do so miss them! 11. Adams Family! They are absolutely the best people that I could ever wish for in an extended family situation. They are always so kind to me, respectful and just plain fun to be around! I really do love his family, his sisters in particular! 12. My past, though it has been dark, cold and down right depressing at times, it is what has made me who I am today. I don't know that I would change any of it given the chance. 13. My family here in the blogging community! It really does help me to know that there are people out there, whom I may never meet, that will take the time to share their experience. I love the camaraderie that we have formed! I really look forward to reading your postings and comments! Thank you for reading mine too!!! Links to other Thursday Thirteens!1. (leave your link in comments, I’ll add you here!)

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Be sure to update your Thirteen with links that are left for you, as well! I will link to everyone who participates and leaves a link to their 13 things. Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!
View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

Rocky Mountains

I just really love this picture. Adam took it on his way to Portland, Oregon earlier in the year. It is of the Rocky Mountains. Isnt it amazing that from above, even the largest of things, seem small..... Its amazing what God can create!

This blog!

I am so excited about a feature I have learned about threw a fellow blogger. I am now going to be participating in the Thursday Thirteen! Actually I have already written a few, I will post one on Thursday. Its a fun way to learn about each other! Totally a great idea for us who sometimes have no idea what we are going to write about!
I am really trying to spruce up my blog. Ive changed quite a bit in the last few weeks. Im very pleased so far! I hope every one else likes it as well! If any one has any suggestions on things I can do to spruce my space up, I am very open to suggestions! In fact, I welcome them!
I am almost to 500 posts in the time I have had this blog. That is so hard for me to believe! I really have enjoyed the time I have put into it, and learning about the other bloggers! Thank you for being a part of my blog!!

Holiday Time

I'm sitting here in the quiet of my apartment thinking about the weeks yet to come of this year. Seems this year has gone by so fast. I'm just wondering what will come of the rest of the year. I have to admit I am a sucker for this entire Holiday season, starting with Halloween. I mean its just the most fun time of the year and I love it!
I love the cold, crisp air, the feeling of electricity all around. The sense of joy that fills the entire atmosphere. I love the way it makes us all feel a little more connected. Well it does me at least.
I just wish that more people loved it for the feeling and for the season rather than for the time of year they can ask for and receive gifts. I love that part too, but shouldn't we give generously year round, rather than at the same time every year? I mean there is more than just the last few months of the year when people are in need!
I hope we can all look at the holidays as a wonderful time of the year this year, but also remember that each of these holidays should be a day that we give thanks that we are so blessed to be here and alive. Thankful that we are all able to be what we want or do what we please. Just remember, its not about what you get, but about what you give.

Breast Cancer Awareness

October is Breast Cancer Awareness month! I regularly participate in various things to help raise awareness or funds towards breast cancer research! Recently my mother and I participated in The Race for a Cure. That was so much fun and I just couldn't believe the amounts of people who showed up to support these wonderful women and men! Yes men can get it too! I met so many women who were going through this struggle, and it touched me.
Recently I have had a sonogram and mammogram on a rather large mass in my left breast. It turned out to be nothing. But I do have to have a sonogram every 6 months now. My doctor was very concerned when my mother informed him that my grandmother had breast cancer as a young woman. Not too much older than me. I have a history of these cysts, but now we are really watching them. She was only 30 when this happened to her. I am now 24.
I believe in supporting this cause. If you want to participate, even just buy buying merchandise, Avon has a beautiful silver bracelet for $5.00! I have that, as do all my sisters, mother, Adam's mom, and sisters. I mean come on its $5.00! Since I didn't mention it, $4.00 of that goes to raise money towards breast cancer research!
Also www.thebreastcancersite.com has plenty of wonderful items! It is time to start shopping for Christmas, why not give a gift that has a wonderful meaning! I purchased a beautiful Pink Ribbon purse just tonight!
Remember that early detection is the key to getting a more positive treatment! Check yourself often! I don't have a personal relationship with every one who reads this site, but I do hope that you all have happy, healthy lives! Please, you owe it to yourself to know that you are healthy!!!
October is Breast Cancer Awareness month, but don't let it end with October's end! Join the Breast Cancer ring at the bottom of my page, if nothing else! Its always nice to know that some one is willing to help spread awareness!

Today has been BAD

I got to work earlier than my scheduled shift today for a mandatory meeting. It went pretty well until 30 minutes in when my manager mouths to me, "we will talk about it later." The question that had been posed was, "our temps just reapplied, how will this affect their status in our department?"
I am a temp. So naturally this concerns me. I have always know that if our department call volume dropped we would go back to sales. No big deal, but my pay rate(just got a big raise) would go down. Drastically. So I'm scared.
Now I was great in sales. I was always getting big incentive for being in top sales percentage. My biggest PRIDE check was almost 600 dollars. Now that's a big performance bonus. So the potential is endless, but I don't want to go back to it when I have been a supervisor for a year and a half. I would go back to a floor where I am respected but would be totally bored out of my mind. I just don't see where I would be happy. I have so many responsibilities now that I would feel it monotonous.
Now I just want to go home and sit in a corner and cry. Sorry if I sound like I'm whining.

Today

So today, once again, I got just about nothing done. I lounged around, did nothing. Well besides school and lunch.
I did how ever manage to get birthday cards for Bridezilla, Katherine(my beautiful goddaughter), My Grandmother, and my other little goddaughter Jaden. So that was my day. Nothing. I miss my girls though. The thought of my Katherine being 8 years old as of today (10/19) is so astonishing to me. She is the reason I grew up in the first place. I didnt want my best friend to have to grow up alone. So I did too. Gosh I miss that girl. Jaden is 1 as of Friday. I still havent even gotten to meet the kid. That just kills me. I so love that family. Hell they have been my family for so long. I miss them soo bad.
So today I was super, mega bitch. Every time Adam suggested something to do, I shot it down. Like pms or something, except Im generally not like that. Part of me wants to just go cuddle up and sleep. But I know I will just lay there. Sleep never really does come.
Finally I gave up and went to a movie with Adam. Yep Im a sucker for cartoons. We went to see the Ant Bully. Totally cracked me up. We really enjoyed it. Im glad we went. I have been feeling so down, that I needed to just crack up for no reason. I love to sit in a movie theatre and hear the kids laugh. Nothing is more honest than childrens laughter. Its almost contagious. For a guy who really isnt a fan of children, Adam loves that too. He amazes me sometimes. He really does.
Well Im just gonna go try to relax. I dont know why I cant shake this sickening depression that set in a few weeks ago. I will be fine one minute, then the next I am weighed down again. Adam seems to notice it too. I need a shrink!

Just for Fun

Apparently this is one of the most popular screensavers in America. I have to admit I was quite amused and played with this for several moments. Just click on him and drag him around or watch him til he gets stuck then move him again! Have fun!

http://www.planetdan.net/pics/misc/georgie.htm

A Meme....

A Meme that I saw on Peasoup and Shells and Beans and I thought I would participate in.

Target or Kmart? I love me a good Target!

Beef burger or chicken burger? Beef! Its whats for dinner!

Faux or Fur? Well I dont want an animal dying for me to wear it, but I like soft things..... Faux probably....

Out of a can or out of a bottle? Can, if its soda, that way I drink less of it.

Hotel or tent? I work for Marriott! I am spoiled!

Coles or BiLo? Well I dont know what those are!

Pasta or Pizza? I love some good pasta, but dont want to make the pizza!

Thongs or sandals? Im a shoe-a-holic, so either!

Backyard pool or beach? Oh i love the sound of a beach! so relaxing

Souvenirs or photos? Photos. nothing can take the place of a good photo

BBQ or foodcourt? Barbecue- Im a South Texas brat! BBQ is in my blood!

Chocolate or Vanilla? Vanilla

Hair product or no hair product? Depends on the day of the week and my mood.

Cats or dogs? Dogs. but i do love cats too

Organised tour or do it yourself? I would have to say a little of both!

Home cooked or home delivered? I love to cook but some days dilivery is so much easier.

Coffee or tea? TEA! Im addicted to it.

The strength of an ox or the strength of a mule? Well Im pretty whimpy, but i love a good strong man!

Love or lust? Love..... with a little bit of lust thrown in for passion's sake!

Thought or action? Depends on if it can get me into any real trouble!!

Just a little bit of off the wall information that seemed fun to ramble about!

Left behind in the game called life...

Ever sit around and wonder where you lost your way? I do that sometimes. I love the life I have now, but I remember having goals, plans, dreams. Where did they all go?? Some where along the way they got lost.
When I was 17-18 I wanted to be in the Airforce. I wanted to contribute to my country, and see the world. I wanted to do it all on my own. I was fearless.
Then, and I think this is where I lost my way, I met him. He made me think that I wanted something else. Really all he did was control me for 4 years and make me lose that sense of self. Then night he left, I fell apart. I didnt know who I was as a single person. I had long since stopped being able to identify who I was. If you look back the the origins of this blog, thats where it all began. I was a mess.
Now I have, not only, not accomplished the things I wanted then, but they are out of the question. I see all my friends (and my sister) getting married, having babies, and having lives. As far as I can see thats not happening for me. I have a beautiful boyfriend, whom I love dearly, but wonder if he will ever be ready to take that step into the realm of forever. For the first time in my life I really want all those things my friends, and sister, are getting. Why is it that I do indeed feel like I have been left behind?
I mean I practically foam at the mouth when some one shows me their engagement ring, or their happy lives. I just want that. I always told my family I would never get married, at that point I wanted a bigger than life carreer, like maybe the FBI or CIA or carreer military. Then I decided I wanted to go to Police Academy. None of that happened. Then for four years I had a boyfriend who had every woman on the side that you can imagine, and I didnt know about it til after the fact. He had everyone convinced that he was the best thing in the world. But really all he was doing was hurting me the whole time.
Now that I finally have some one I trust, why cant I just be happy living with him, seeing him every day, waking up with him in the morning? Why do I feel so jealous that every one else is getting married? Why do I want that now, when I never really wanted it before?
Why do I feel like super bitch when I mention this to him. Though he really takes it all so well and in stride. He never gets weirded out or walks away when I start freakin myself out. Why cant i just be happy, being.....
Why do I feel so left behind????
PS Im sorry if this sounded whiny. Some times I get depressed and todays been my day.

Africam

Ever wondered what it would be like to be able to watch the wildlife in Africa, with out being seen by the animals? Well if you have, then you should check out this site, www.Africam.com, click on the Nkorho Stream link and watch the animals! Its centered around a watering hole in a reserve in Africa. There is no telling what all you can see at any given time! It is totally live, I am hooked. A friend of mine posted it in her blog, and it donned on me, I have been adicted to this site for a while, why havent I shared it?? Ive seen giraffes, monkeys, zebra, wildebeast, deer, antelope, various birds, rabbits, and much more! Yes it can be slow, but I swear Im hooked! Get hooked with me, or I should say us!

Activities for Today

So I had alot on my plate today, but it really was like a few things to do. I had to go to school this morning, which only turned into a 45 minute endeavor. We had a Government Midterm. Mr. Nich allowed us a 5x8 index card (i think thats the size) to have notes to use on the test. Let me tell you, I had about 10 pages of notes on the front and back of that card. I wrote soooo small. But I had every single answer on it. It only took me 30 minutes of our 2 hours to do the test. My teacher said I had teriffic notes! I am so excited. I know I would have blanked out with out the note card. I am glad he let us do that.
On to the next topic. I also had to go get my title switched to my name on my truck! That took me forever because, I went home to get my insurance card out of my truck ( I was in Adams car). Well it turns out my card had expired, like two days ago. So I had to go track down my insurance guy. Well Larry was at lunch, so we had to kind of hurry up and wait. We went to try to find something appealing to eat, with no luck since we couldnt agree on anything. Well finally we got a copy of my insurance card, and set off to the DOT. Got to the office, it had moved. So we ended up driving to the new one. Once I got there it took 35 minutes, but the truck is now officially mine!! Exciting stuff!
Well for about 3 weeks I have put of doing the mountain of laundry in my bedroom, bathroom and living room. Ok so there was a whole range of laundry mountains in my apartment. But by 1730 this afternoon, I had it all done! Now I just need to get off my lazy butt tomarrow and vaccuum and dust and all that nifty stuff. I try to get all that done once a week, but with all the excitment healthwise, and my baby sister home, it hasnt gotten done in like 3 weeks. So Ive been lazy, Shoot me.
Now I am at work until 0230 in the morning. Whoopie!

This week! All the bruises!

Well what can I say? Its been a pretty good week. My baby sister, the munchkin, AKA Hope, has been home. She leaves again for her base in North Carolina on Sunday. But I am glad she was able to come home! Gosh its been good to see her.
Tuesday we went to the SAC (strategic air command) museum just our side of Lincoln. That was alot of fun. I couldnt stop walking into things. Literally! You know those waist high, lamp posts? I walked smack into one, Hope just died laughing. She was rolling on the ground cracking up, to which my mom checks to see if shes ok, but Im the one that did it! Then inside the museum, I start looking at planes, I walked head first into one of the wings! Hello stupid pay attention. Last but not least, for the day, I went to put my bag around my shoulder, and smacked my lip with my cell phone! So it was a great day with many bruises.
Today I was at moms, we were working on Fried Green Tomatoes, and I ran smooth into moms foot stool. I now have a huge bruise on my right knee! Go me! My boyfriend, Adam, now thinks I beat myself! Haha!
Thank the good Lord I am stuck in classrooms for 5 hours tomarrow. You cant hurt yourself sitting down now can you???? If you can, then I am in the running for the klutz queen title previously held by mom! Oh yeah and I smacked my head super hard on my truck door getting out of it to go to class on Wednesday! I am so damn good!!!!
Have I ever mentioned that my mom isnt the kiss my wounds kinda woman. She just tells me to put some ice on it, no kiss is gonna help it! No matter how many times I put it in her face, I have to deal with it! Haha! She makes me laugh!

Updates on Bridezilla

Well, yesterday my sister, Lisa, calls. She demands that Hope, my other sister, put her on speaker phone. Then she makes the announcement.... "Mom, congratulations your gonna be a grandma!" Ok they arent even married yet! They are supposed to be getting married in April. Well, theres nothing that looks worse than a waaaaay pregnant woman in a WHITE wedding gown. She practically needs to get married like next month in order to pull it off! Ok Im not a crazy bible-thumping Christian, but I do believe in marriage first. Yep I admit I was pregnant at 19, it ended badly. I have no kids, but when she found out about it, after the miscarriage, she spouted the impurities of my act to every one that would listen!
My lovely sister is the kind of person who only wants to be pregnant for the attention and is way self absorbed. Before I get any hate mail, I do love my sister! I am just upset because Lisa is already trying to find ways to make us feel sorry for her. Wanting us to feel obligated to spend more money on her.
Personally I just think she should go ahead and elope! If she still wants a big reception, we can do that! Do it after the baby is born. That way we can see her, have her party and see the new baby. I think that would be great!

Random Acts of Craziness....

As I previously posted, I have an older sister that is getting married for the second time. Now dont get me wrong, I love my sister, but she is driving us all insane. First off she is demanding that we spend upwards of a 100 dollars a peice to buy our brides maid dresses. My mother is a wonderful seemstress, and personally I have never donned a dress that she didnt make. Not one for a formal affair. She prides herself on making beautiful dresses. I dont feel that I should have to spend this kind of money on a dress that my mother can make for around 40 dollars. I hate how that is hurting my mom. She is truely hurt by Lisa's firm resistance to having her make our dresses. So heres some of the things that have crossed my mind on what I just may do with this dress or even better during the course of her weekend!
1. After the wedding is complete, have a bon fire in my mothers back yard. Burn the dress and do a ritualistic fertility dance around the fire, hopefully my rather selfish sister has multiple births! ( I really do love childeren, shes just very selfish!)
2. Wear a sign that says I'm too good for this at her rehearsal. (Yep I have already found a hat with Happy Bunny on it that says this) This was my mother's idea.
3. Let my mother make the dress anyways! Shes super talented! Besides I have to spend a ton of money just to be at the wedding, let alone in it!
4. Put a frog in her bridal bouquet! (shes scared of them, but i know my mother would shoot me)

Ok yes Im being a big kid! I just am going nuts! But hell its fun to think up stuff to do to her royal highness! Its always been fun to think up stuff to do to her. In all honesty though, I will never do anything to take away from the happiness of her day. I really do hope that she has all the happiness and luck possible. I just cant wait for it to be done though! I have to deal with Bridezilla until April! Pray for me!

Well I talked to the Dr.'s office. Stupid nurse just didnt read my whole chart before she called. Turned out that nothing else was wrong. Thank God! She wanted to know if I wanted to have a surgical procedure to remove the cyst. I had already said no, which was in my chart, along with that I had made a follow up appointment for March. Nurse kept asking me all the questions, I asked her flat out if she had read my chart. She put me on hold, then came back and apologized for the inconveince. No big deal, I just felt like I had be alarmed for no reason.
Dont get me wrong, Id rather it be no reason, but I spent all night worried, barely slept. All that because I was afraid there was something terribly wrong with me. Next time I wont freak out so easy! Good news is that I am healthy! Yay me!!!!

I created a Slide Show! Check it out!

Results, News

Well I went to the doctor for my sonogram for the lump. Every thing turned out to be fine, have to go back in a few months. That appointment is to check and make sure that everything is the same. So that was relieving!
However, today the doctor called my mom to tell me that I needed to come back. Apparently there was something wrong with one of my tests. They said that I would only get a call back if something was wrong, otherwise I would recieve a letter in the mail to let me know everything was fine.
This is a little scary. I have to call the nurse back tomarrow to find out what is going on. I am really worried now. I finally got over the whole episode of holding my breath over the breast exam. I am just kinda a little scared.

Nervousness and honesty

Well I went to the doctor on Tuesday morning. Annual check up, you know the one every woman hates going to. I mean after all it is no fun to put your foot up in the stir ups and let some one look at and feel you. I know its all to make sure you are healthy, but I hate going. This doctor is quite nice, and I was very comfortable with him. He explained every thing to me, and took the time to answer any and all of my questions. After my breast exam, he did recomend further testing. I agree. I have put it off long enough.
Friday morning, I have yet another doctors appointment. Dr Bassett wont be with me, but if they find something solid then I will then have to go discuss further treatment. Basically on a woman my age, a mammogram is not the most reliable test. So I am going in for a sonogram, much like a woman has during pregnancy. Only difference is that it is on my breast. I am assured that it doesnt hurt, or cause discomfort. So I am not really worried about that. I am worried at the outcome. I have decided to go at this test alone. I am not going to take any one with me for support. I need to face this on my own, i think.
I am told that if it is solid then I need to worry. If it isnt then I will be fine. Im praying for fibrous, since thats the one thats not bad. I have put this testing off for more than a year. The first lump we found I was 19 so i do have a history of lumps, just never went far enough to have anything done about them. After all women my age just dont get breast cancer, and thats a load of shit. Its just not common.
Cancer is like an ugly four lettered word no one wants to think of or utter. I believe I will be fine. I believe that this is nothing more than my own mind psyching me out, I will be fine. I will go into that doctors office and get that sonogram, they will tell me that I have no solid cyst, and I will walk out ready to celebrate(sit in class for 4 hours actually). Anyone else think that I am crazy?

Hodgepodge of things.

Ok so the other day I was absolutely overwhelmed with my sisters wedding. Yeah I admit Im a bitch just a little, but shes crazy. I do love my sister, Lisa, but it turns out the whole family is kind of feeling like shes overstepping her boundaries, and asking too much of us. I personally just feel like the pressured one, I havent been in a position that a man loved me enough to propose. I get a million questions every time I am around my extended family about why I am not married yet. Makes me feel a little like the preverbial old maid. Thats right, old maid, this at 24!

So onto better things, Im sure you will be hearing so much more about this shit in future blogs, so why bother you tonight! Im in school again for the quarter, taking World Civ I and American Government and Politics. Both classes are boring me like crazy, but hey thats life right? I dont know, Govt isnt so bad, but Civ sucks. Its four hours of torture every Friday!

On the work front, I am interviewing to become permanent in the position I have been in for more than a year now. I am a total nervous wreck about that. But with any luck I will be fine. But since there are four temps and 4 open spots, with open applications to every one who qualifies, Im going insane! We will just have to pray and see what happens.

I went on "vacation," though I worked during it, a few weeks ago. One of my favorite co-workers and I went to Miami, Florida! Goodness it was pretty there. We had a room over looking Biscayne Bay. It was so nice. We worked about 5 hours on our trip then spent 4 days running around, shopping, going to the beach, eating (we ate all the time), and things of the such. We had a really good time! Vicki and I took a tour of Star Island, this is an island that all these celebrities live on. It is really beautiful. We even got to see Will Smith and his family in their home! Totally cool! Vicki and I toured our reservation center there, it was so little! But it was nice. We got to see our former boss, Nick. It was fun to see him and go to see where it is that he is working, living and hanging out these days. I loved Miami.

In other news, I am going to the doctor in the morning. Yearly check up but who knows what may happen this time. All I know is I am ready to get it over with and its not even happened yet!

I hope to be on and writing more in the future! I am trying! With work, school and every thing that comes up, its been dificult! I miss corresponding with every one! Hope is back from Qatar! She will be home in Omaha on October 9th!!!!! I can not wait to see the munchkin!

My mother and I will be participating in the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure on October 8, to help raise money for breast cancer research. Any of you who know me, know that I support this cause with every chance I get, I have a connection to the cause. I wear my pink ribbon all year round! If I can impress anything on you, let it be this, check yourself regularly! It can happen to anyone!

always the bridesmaid....

Ever heard that old saying, "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"? That would be me. Why is it that Ive had these super long relationships, and nothing as of yet has ever really materialized? My older sister however, is on her second marriage in the term of these six years of my relationships. Is there something I am doing wrong that the men I have loved and the one I love now, has no interest in a marriage type future?

Im feeling like the eternal bridesmaid at the moment. Lisa, and three of my other friends all got engaged over the last weekend. Im kinda like, ok when is it gonna be my turn. I know that I am gonna be with Adam, but why do I feel like this? Why do I feel like I wanna pull my hair out every time a girlfriend or sister (lisa) flashes their pretty little ring in my face!

I am now dealing with her sending pictures of her trying on wedding gowns! Damnit! I just want to scream:

"YOU CANT HAVE THIS HUGE, CRAZY WEDDING THAT YOU SHOULD ONLY HAVE THE RIGHT TO ON YOUR FIRST WEDDING! YOU ARENT A VIRGIN, DONT WEAR WHITE! YOU CANT MAKE ME BE THE BLUSHING BRIDESMAID AND DAMNIT ITS MY TURN TO GET MARRIED NOT YOURS! THIS IS FREAKING RIDICULOUS!"

But the calm side of me isnt saying it! I just hate that Ive put so much time into being in serious relationships, and each time I get left in the cold. Not that Im not in a great relationship now, I am. I just have to wait and whine and cry, then hopefully one day I will be the one that is getting married. You know that shes so damn happy and she knows how I wish it were me. But it will never really matter because she will always be the one that gets the goods.

I guess I should settle in to the idea that I will always be the bridesmaid, and never be the bride. What really bothers me is that when it is my turn, my family will have already lost the luster of the beautiful ceremony because my sister has beat it in the ground twice!!!!!!! GRRRR!

Good-bye

I think of you every day,
I wonder what would be,
I cant contemplate that your gone,
But I am assured that you are.

I wish I could go back,
Tell you all the secrets I have,
Laugh with you about every thing,
Cry with you in sadness.

I think of how much time we lost,
How we went separate ways, though I never forgot,
You were my friend, unwaivering.

It seems so cruel that you are gone,
Yet I sit here,
I hate how it happend,
But know it was probably just how it was planned.

I wish I could tell you just one more time,
I wish I could talk to you just one more time,
I wish I could go back to those carefree days,
The ones where we would live for ever.

I wish I could tell you just one more time,
That your laughter brightend my days,
Your song lifted my spirits.

You were my sister, my friend,
I wish I had told you,
Good-bye.

I know that sometimes I am hard to be around. I dont know how to deal with myself sometimes. Today started out great. I got home from work, it was even better. But now I sit here contemplating where it went wrong.

Its been a while!

Well its been forever since I logged on! I have had so much going on. Getting ready to start school again for the year. Works been crazy and I am getting ready to move to a new apartment. Adam and I are looking for a house, and we are nuts.
Both of us are doing well in our jobs, and have a great relationship. I hate how sometimes my moods and attitudes can make everything complicated,but some how he ends up hold me up to my abilities.
Hope is still over seas. She is supposed to come home some time soon, but no home date yet. I am sooo ready for her to come home!!!!

Todays thoughts

Hey every one! I havent been on in a while. Things on the home front are going quite well. The munchkin called the other day. She says its hotter than hell in that desert but beautiful. She is in a small country outside of Iraq called Qatar. I dont care how beautiful it is, I want her to be back home. But she is doing her job, and serving her country. What a good kid. I do miss her though!!!
So Adam was in a car accident yesterday. A metal bar deflected off of the truck infront of him smashing that trucks windshield. Then that bar hit his hood, cracking his windshield and then some how bounced around and shattered his driver side window. Amazingly enough he came away with no injuries accept a small cut on his left wrist.
It really scares me to think that with in a blink of an eye he could have been gone. I dont knwo what I would do if something happened to him at this point. I am rather attached to him. He makes up such a major part of who I am right now. He makes me laugh, smile and helps me when I need some one to be there. I love him so much more than I ever thought was possible. Right now, for so many reasons, I am counting my blessings.

shes gone.

well shes gone. my baby sister, hope, left yesterday morning to go to the pit of hell. previous to sharing my thoughts publically, i have confided in only two people about my feelings on this. thank you alexa and eric for such comforting words.
hope is the sister i lovingly refer to as munchkin, for those of you who dont know who i am speaking of. she is only 19 and in the military. now dont think for one minute that i do not believe in what she is doing over there, i do. she believes in the cause she is going to support, thus making the effort being put forth all worth the struggle.
i worry, however, what the outcome will be. as the morning progressed yesterday, she called me at least 4 times. in between our conversations she was busy calling and telling every one else how much she loves them. now we are all praying that those were just like any other conversation, one that she will return to at a later date. for now we just have to wait and pray.
when we hung up the phone yesterday, that final time, i just wanted to cry. shes my munchkin, the kid who crawled in bed with me every night that was humanly possible. the kid who told my boyfriends they would have to move over or get out cause thats her spot on the couch or on the bed. i guess that now i should refer to her as the young lady, rather than the kid. to me though she will always be the kid that made me laugh or cuddled up to me on the nights that she was sick or upset. that kid that i would turn barney on in the bedroom just to run her out of there in the mornings, sure fire way to get her out of bed.
shes my sister, one of my closest confidants and my friend. i dont quite know how to take her not being in a safe place. all i can do is pray that her tour is over fast and she will be shipped home running for us like she has when coming home from everything else. God, please keep that baby safe................

hmm

so now i learn the value of real honest to God love and trust. adam is gone for three weeks to portland, oregon, for work. all of you who know me best, know that i have a slight fault in the way my inner workings are in the area of love when my partner is mia. well, i have a sneaking suspicion that this is God teaching me about trusting.
now dont get me wrong, i completely love and trust adam. its just a hang up of mine that i have these slightly intense feelings about him traveling. i know it is all due to my past relationship and what happend when he was on the road. but, i also have come to realize that adam loves me and wont do the same as the other did.
so heres to three weeks of sitting here by myself. hey who knows maybe the time away from each other will be a good thing. the only thing i do know is im already ready for him to be home again.

Update of me!

Sorry guys that it has taken me so long to write. Finals are this week at school. Last week starting Monday night, I was sick. Yes, I once again foiled Valentines day. Lol Adam went out and had fun while I slept the night away sicker than a dog. Of coarse I told him too. I didnt feel it was right for him to have to sit at home and be bored just because I couldnt go out and play. So I spent several days with a nagging fever and still have that cough. Adam also now has this cough and is sick. I feel so bad that he is ill, it is all because he wanted to stick around and take care of me. He was wonderful. I dont know how I would have made it last week with out him. Its amazing that he didnt get sick until after I was over it all.
But life is fast these days. Hope has a birthday today! Shes gettin so old! But shes still my munchkin sister! I love you HOPE!!
Other than that theres no news. Im ever the same. Love you guys!

Been a while

Sorry guys that its been a few weeks. I have had alot going on. Last week a friend of mine from high school died. I have spent several days keeping it all in. I talked to Anastasia about it and took all my pain out on my sweet boyfriend at home. At points he would be talking and I would just be spaced out and I would not even hear him. Hes taken it all so well. I feel like I have neglected him in my own sorrow.
I have basically only talked to April C and Anastasia about it. I hate that I lost touch with so many people and have been making a very huge effort to connect with the ones I loved. I have sent so many emails to so many people to let them know how much they meant to me at one point and that I hate how long its been that I let that go by.
April told me that she loved me and that she missed me. Cynthia and I have exchanged several I miss you and I love yous. Its amazing how one persons passing makes every one realize who they have missplaced. Ive expressed things to April that I havent expressed to anyone. Thing is in high school we were not that close. She seems to be one of the best friends I could have ever asked for.
Shes proving that to me every day. We sat and wrote each other back and forth for hours the last few days. God I miss her. Eventually we will have to meet up and have a weekend of fun or something. We have already decided that. Shes promised me to make sure that Lisa is well treated and is going out with her this weekend. She feels the way I do right now. Dont just let go of these people. What happens when some one who really made an impression on you dies and you never told them? You begin to feel like I have over Emily's death. It hurts. Dont let that happen to you. Please make sure that the people who you love know exactly how you feel about them. Make sure your friends know exactly how much you love them. It is worth it trust me.

2005 in review

Well this year has been some kind of interesting. Not all good but for the most part. I learned alot this year. But some things were lessons that I could never have learned with out pain.

January
Started out ok. I moved to Omaha to leave the pain behind.
February
My depression set in pretty deep. But I got help. Kristy calls to tell me she is engaged.
March
My Hope came to visit me for Spring Break. She was introduced to a friend of mine online and became responsible for us eventually ending up together. Kristy calls to tell me that shes pregnant.
April
I started working for Marriott. I went on the first date with Adam. Kristy calls to tell me shes married.
May
Yeah it took around5 weeks or so for me to get up the nerve to accept another invite to go out. But I finally did it. Adam is set in my life now. I went back to Texas to see Hope graduate. Boy is she getting old. My grandmother comes home with us to visit.
June
Just about this whole month my life is revolving around work and Adam. Got my first taste of the College World Series. Matt and Hope move home.
July
Hope leaves us to go to the US Air Force. Shes really not a baby anymore. I put in an application for a promotional position at work. I move into my new apartment. Adam tells me that he loves me.
August
I start the month with my nerve racking interview with Nick. About a week later I recieve the news that I will be offered the position. I start end of the month. We all go to San Antonio to see Hope for the first time in what seems like forever. Shes a US Airman now. During the entire trip my feet are swollen like crazy.
September
Kristy finally tells me shes gonna have a girl. Hope starts calling home most nights. Adam's sister got married, I met his dad. Adam and I took a trip to KC sometime this month.
October
Astros make the World Series! Hope comes home for around two weeks. Kristy calls to tell me that theres a new baby girl around.
November
Adam and I took a trip to Chicago. Man that is a beautiful town. Gone to see Dave Matthews Band.
December
Too busy. Shopping, Bills, Parties. Christmas and Christmas Eve held work for me. New years Eve had potential but wasnt what it should have been. I can mess anything up.

I wonder now what will be next. Only the months can tell us.

Christmas

Well we only have a few days now. I am so broke it is ridiculous. I still have to do some shopping too thats the bad part. I have just enough in my bank account to do my rent and my truck. So I am dead broke.
I like the holidays but the expense sucks.

Christmas is only 9 days away. No I am not excited but for the moment I only have to get three more presents. That way I have everyone in my house covered for the stuff we are doing on Christmas Eve. I still need to do something though for Adam's sisters. Other than them I dont have to do much. Just stocking stuffers for Adam.
Next.... One of my favorite people here at work is getting ready to have a baby. She is not due until January 9th. But she is dialated to 3 cm right now. So we could have a kid at any point now. Another lady here was having her baby today. So we are baby happy in this department. Oh I love babies.

blah blah blah

Doesnt the idea of an idiot who thinks they know everything about your job just infuriate you. I am a supervisor at my job and work in several departments. I just had one of our wonderful agents on the line from a location in Florida. He had the rudest jerk at his desk screaming obscenities at him. I would not have let him check in if I were this agent. I would have called the police regardless of his status in membership. I would have also followed that up with a call to member services to report him for the type of language he used. It was just uncalled for. I actually told our agent not to take him and not to take his crap to write down all his information and give that to his manager for further action on this jerk.
I mean come on. If you go to a person's place of work or if you call them to get their help, dont act like an ass. If you do no one wants to help you. Theres nothing I enjoy more than to hang flat up in someone's face when they treat me like crap. I am not on the other end of this phone line for any persons abuse. I am here to give a valuable service to our many guests and agents. So I hate to hear any one act that way to me, my co workers or our fellow agents. Its just uncalled for.
Ok now that I am off of my soapbox. I have completed my English Comp paper. It turned out pretty ok. My friend Seth helped me while we had down time at work. Im hoping it turned out well in my professor's eyes.

Creative writing and other things

So I had another one of those dreams yesterday morning. If I had just gotten up when Adam went to work I wouldnt have subjected myself to it. This time I was running through a cornfield. Yes I know sounds stupid. But I was being chased by a man in a corn harvester or what ever the heck that big farm machinery thing is. I dont recall who the person was this time. But the man once again got a friend of mine. When I ran out of cornfield to run through, I ran into this house. The lady in the house picked up the phone to call the cops and get me some help when the man came in and shot her. Ok so why is this happening. Just as I run out the door with the man hot on my heals, my cell phone rang and I woke up. Talk being saved again.
Im so sick of these dreams.

So I am sitting here at work and have been staring at some blank pages most of the night. I have yet to get my assignment for writing done yet. I just cant draw a single bead of thought. Its due Monday and the only thing I can get is stupid. I have to write a letter to a friend or such that is a portrait of myself. I have to use metaphors, similies and figurative language to describe my physical being, personality and likes and dislikes. Problem is I can not come up with anything to save my life. I thought this assignment would be fun but it has become extremly hard for me. Plus we have to share these in class on Monday morning. I just dont know what I am going to share with every one... I have no clue what to even come close to writing. Any ideas???

My father.... What can I say. He keeps tryin to call me and I keep not answering. Its not that I dont love my dad. Because I do. Either he calls at a time I can not get to the phone or he calls and I dont have the phone on me. So I havent avoided him in so many words. But why do I feel guilty? I shouldnt. He hasnt always been there for me. I just need time of my own. I dont want him showing up here. I dont want him showing up and screwing up anything for Matt, Mom and me. We are all doing so well that I dont want him to mess that up. I know that sounds cruel. But if you knew anything about the history of us and him you would understand. Matt and I are not buying his sob stories. Lisas tired of his crap and Hope refuses to let him contact her and will change her number if he gets his hands on it. So do you think we are all bad children? I hope not. We are just the children that cant handle any more pain or suffering on his behalf.

My mom on the other hand is wonderful. Matt and I are going in on halves for her for a present that she has always wanted for christmas. I cant wait to see her face when she opens her gift. Adam, Bill and I are going shopping in the morning to pick out the right one. I am so excited. I really am glad that we can do something so nice for her this year. Matt is too. We are very attached to our mother considering that she has never ever left us the way our dad has. She has always been there and stood by us even when we were miles away and were not able to see her on a regular basis. Mom is our rock.

Ok time for me to get back to the paper I have no clue how I am going to get through. Hmm lets see if I can even get any ideas on the paper that I am writing notes on. So far all my notes suck. Lets hear it for similies, metaphors and figurative language! Im about as creative as a wet brick. Go me!

Algerbra teacher from Hell

Ok so now I am in school. My English Comp professor is awesome. But my Algebra teacher is a little excentric. If she hears your cell phone go off you have to bring in cookies or donuts for the entire class the next time we meet. Ummm I dont think so...
I have my first quiz tomarrow. Nope Im not excited. Infact I am freaked out. I dont know how well I will do considering I am having to teach this crap to myself. She just doesnt teach very thoroughly. I dont care for her teaching style and she comes across insulting. Yesterday she informed all of us that if we were working 30 or more hours a week and going to school that there was no way that we would ever make it. What??? Umm thanks for the encouragement. I dont appreciate being told that I wont make it just because I have more than just her class that is going on in my life. Nope sorry. I dont even have time for fun. But thanks alot Ms thing. I feel so good about my taking a class with such a negative teacher.
I felt like she was singling me out when she did that. I mean I had talked to her on the phone and she told me that she thought that I would have a hard time based on the hours I work. Well duh. But she doesnt have the right to say that. I know that she made several other people furious with her condescending remarks. I am thinking about staying after to talk to her about the way she came across and let her know that I feel totally insulted by this and a few other things that happened in our class yesterday.

Dave and Gavin personal review

Ok so now that the crap has been written down for consumption of the general masses. Heres the fun stuff.
We went to see Dave Matthews and Gavin DeGraw on Sunday night. Yeah it was a great show. I think though that I enjoyed Gavin DeGraw the most because he was extremely crowd pleasing. I love an interactive entertainer. He jumped off the stage and walked through the crowds. It was just hilarious.
Dave played for a long time. They just didnt play as much of the music that they are known for as many of the people around me expected. Several people sitting in our vacinity commented on this. Where generally I love to just listen to the bands jam out, thats like all they did. Im talking 5 minute intros, longer endings. You litterally could have gotten up and gone to get a drink or to the restroom in between every single song. Dont get me wrong it was a great show. But when you pay 60.00 a ticket thats just disappointing. Even Adams sisters felt that way. These girls are die hard. They go to see these guys everytime they are in driving distance. So they have seen them several times. We did enjoy ourselves though. Like I said it was a great concert I just would have loved to see more interaction from Dave and more of the music that we love and less jam sessions. Maybe Im spoiled but thats how I feel. I am still a fan. I still love their music, but I am just generally disappointed in the show.

Returning dream

Lately I have been having terrible dreams. One I have already shared. But they keep coming. Every time I escape but some one I love does not. The person that is terrorizing me is someone I moved states away from. Some one who has always since the day he entered my life, struck fear in the depths of my soul. Only later to find out my fears were very wise. There was always something about him that sat bad with me. Then the local police gave me background on him. Yeah so I thought that when I left Texas I would never think of him again.
Why all of the sudden is he showing up in my dreams and causing me so much pain and hurting the ones I love the most. Even people that I have just slight associations with. I am to the point that if I am at home alone I do not sleep for fear of not being able to stop the dreams this time. Last night Adam was not home and I slept only two hours before he was home to get ready for work. I could not sleep and if I did start to doze off the slightest noise caused me to come to full alert.
I feel haunted by this person and these horrible dreams. They have only gotten worse and more graphic. Adam has woke me up once and I have managed to wake myself up several other times. Thing is these dreams are so disgusting I dont feel comfortable nor safe disclosing exactly what happens in them. I of coarse tell Adam. I dont tell my mother because I dont want her to freak out and suggest a shrink. Forget that. I am not paying some guy to sit and listen to me spill my soul about something that is not real. My only question is why does this keep happening????

Items of thought today

Tomarrow is the day Adam has been waiting for for a long time. We will be on our way to see Dave Matthews Band tomarrow night. This is Adams favorite band. Ok Im not the biggest fan but I have always enjoyed their music. Fan yes, fanatic no. Needless to say though, I am excited. I am excited because Adam is trying not to be. Every year he opts not to go with his sisters. This year he finally decided to give in and go with them. I know that tomarrow he will be unbearably crazy to live with until after the concert is over. He is already fidgety and cant sit still. Almost like time can not move by fast enough. Hes so cute.
Next item up for bid....
I heard from an old friend the other day. Which normally that kind of thing is a joy. But why did my skin crawl this time?? Hope ask why later I will tell you in depth.
Next on the chopping block....
The Christmas tree is up, the living room is decorated. Adam and I walk around humming ridiculous holiday tunes. Why do I love this season so much, yet dread it every year for the remaining seasons?
Last but certainly not least.....
Why is it that I pick stupid crap to dwell on.... That kinda goes with the second item up for bid. But I do have that tendancy. I cant let go of stuff. One day I hope to do so .

Strange dream....

Last night I got home early. I had intended to spend a little extra time with Adam but he was already asleep. So I sat in the living room sort of reading a book, watching an old old movie that made me cry as usual. Then talked to my munchkin. I was the biggest sulk. I just sat there and cried about everything. I cried because I have no one I hang out with other than Adam and that his sister is the only friend I have that I do hang out with. Because yes I have friends but they are all at work. Then I cried because all of my real friends outside of Omaha have gotten married and had babies and I dont get to talk to them anymore. That is with the exception of Kristy and she has both of those. Then I cried because I miss my Kevin. Then because I hate what is up with my father. I was a total mess. I cried because I miss my sisteres. I was such a dork. Hope was so sweet tho. She just listened while I cried. Then I went to sleep.
Im gonna say around 730 or so this morning I woke Adam up. I dont remember doing that though. But I do remember what he said I told him. Apparently I was having a panic attack.
I told him that the man was chasing me. He said that I was crying and breathing really heavy.
Well I know I probably was because I remember the dream. This man broke into my house killed the others that were there and continued to terrorize me until the sun came up. Then I screamed and cried and Carey came in and distracted him. After watching him lose the knife and Carey retrieve it I ran down the street and to some one elses house. He allowed me to call the cops, when I dialed the cops it was the electric company. I looked out the window and saw the man coming down the street. I hid behind the couch and got very quiet. The man entered the house I was in and asked the man whose phone I was using where I was. He pretended not to know what he was talking about. Then the man fell dead on the side of the couch. Umm.. What?? I remember waking up with my head in Adam's side. Then went back to sleep. Yeah weird huh?? Thing is I think I know who the stranger was......

Hectic

So I havent written in several days. Its been a very busy set of days. Between home and work I am totally exhausted. I have taken to getting up with Adam in the mornings before he goes to work. Then taking a nap and getting up to go to work of my own. Then when I get home he is already in bed asleep so I just crawl into bed and try not to wake him. So Im off tomarrow. But it will be a full day. I will get up with him then go spend the day with my mom. Write out the remaining part of my bills. Get that taken care of. Around 2:00 or so I am going to go home and get dinner ready so that when Adam comes home we can eat and leave. I have new student orientation to go to. But since our time is so few and far between right now we take every opportunity to spend that time either of us is off together. Our days off are totally different. His Saturday, Sunday. Mine Wednesday, Thursday.
Starting on the 30th of this month I wont have Wednesdays off either. That is one of my school days. Monday mornings I also have a class. So it is about to get hectic in my home. Between Adam's schedule and my schedule it is crazy already. I am actually looking forward to being at home when he gets there tomarrow. So is he actually. We were talking about that tonight when we went to dinner. We have decided that now that we dont get to see each other as much we will just go ahead and meet up for dinner once a week. That way we get to spend a little more time with each other. Even though my lunch break is only 30 minutes. It is enough time to feel like I actually got to see him today.
How is it that I have fallen so hard for him when just a few months ago I had sworn that I would never do that again? He is every thing that I have ever wanted and more. I have a smile on my face no matter what these days. He makes all the bad go away even when I dont think that it is possible. I sound like a teenage girl now. But gosh hes just so wonderful. Even when we argue we cant stay away from each other. I dont know how my heart can find such peace in another person. Its crazy.
Now that I have sounded totally twitterpatted, I will let you guys all puke in private. Then again I dont think I have heard from anyone in forever. But hey thats life.

The Patch

So I am currently re-evaluating my form of birth control. Seems the FDA put out a warning a few days ago about the patch. But so far mine is working just beautifully, of coarse there are side effects of any form. Aside from the fact that it is like a bandaid that you can not change for seven days, it is wonderful.
Supposedly now they are warning that it causes blood clots and such effects. I have read two articles now on the "problems" and just wonder if the woman in the interview at the end just wants to scare people because she had problems. I do however not believe that some one died from it. All birth controls have these warnings and warn that if taken improperly death has occurred. But now I wonder should I switch methods when this is the only form that has ever worked on me.
This is the first time that I have taken any for of birth control that hasnt made me extremely emotional or totally irritable. I have talked to several people that I know who either use this patch or have taken it. All have mixed ideas on it.
Adams family knows this is our method. They are all scared now that I am going to end up sick. Well I want them not to worry but I am still not too sure of what I am going to do about this yet.
Carey says the only reason that she is really worried about it is because of my size. Maybe if I had a little more fat on my body she would not worry so much. Carey is a doctor so I trust her judgement on these things. She is really very smart. When I first started the patch she kept up with Adam on how I was doing. Checked on every side effect I had with her advisors and kept Adam calm on how I reacted as my body adjusted. So I dont know what to think. Maybe I will go talk to her again and see what she thinks of my situation. You know with out her brother sitting there on pins and needles. Then make this decision in the most informed way possible.
What is the general opinion of my dear friends though, I do wonder. If you would like to read up on this before stating an opinion here is a website....
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9997384
Your opinion would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

School and Chicago

Ok so I am two steps closer to getting back into school. I have to go enroll and file my extension for tuition but other than that I am set. Looks like the end of the month I will be a student again. Yipee! Actually yes I am finally excited about it. Looks like all my pale grant will be approved which means I will be going to school for nothing. The grant will pay for everything. I was supposed to get up this morning and go register but low and behold I overslept. Yeah so the new darkness in my room may not be a good idea for that reason. I dont want to get out of bed. Now if I would have seen some light this morning my butt may have gotten up. Yeah so I think I am in trouble with Adam now. He is really working his butt off to get me to get back into school. I need to make an appointment now with an advisor then with finanial aid. That way I am at least enrolled. Oh why does school have to be such a big deal? No really I am excited about it though.
I am more excited at the moment however about our trip this week coming up to Chicago. Adam and I are running away for two days to Chicago. Gosh I love working for Marriott. Hotels are so inexpensive that way. We are actually staying 25 miles from downtown in a Resort in Oakbrook. I am so excited. We will be just absolutely relaxed. That is as long as I dont manage to put us in crap moods like I did when we went to Kansas City. Yeah Im famous for screwing the good stuff up. This is our last chance to really get out until I can do something to get my schedule changed to match my days off to his at least some what. Other than that we wont be spending much time together unless its sleeping. That could be very stressful so I want our trip to be perfect. I have a few ideas too that might just help.