always the bridesmaid....

Ever heard that old saying, "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"? That would be me. Why is it that Ive had these super long relationships, and nothing as of yet has ever really materialized? My older sister however, is on her second marriage in the term of these six years of my relationships. Is there something I am doing wrong that the men I have loved and the one I love now, has no interest in a marriage type future?

Im feeling like the eternal bridesmaid at the moment. Lisa, and three of my other friends all got engaged over the last weekend. Im kinda like, ok when is it gonna be my turn. I know that I am gonna be with Adam, but why do I feel like this? Why do I feel like I wanna pull my hair out every time a girlfriend or sister (lisa) flashes their pretty little ring in my face!

I am now dealing with her sending pictures of her trying on wedding gowns! Damnit! I just want to scream:

"YOU CANT HAVE THIS HUGE, CRAZY WEDDING THAT YOU SHOULD ONLY HAVE THE RIGHT TO ON YOUR FIRST WEDDING! YOU ARENT A VIRGIN, DONT WEAR WHITE! YOU CANT MAKE ME BE THE BLUSHING BRIDESMAID AND DAMNIT ITS MY TURN TO GET MARRIED NOT YOURS! THIS IS FREAKING RIDICULOUS!"

But the calm side of me isnt saying it! I just hate that Ive put so much time into being in serious relationships, and each time I get left in the cold. Not that Im not in a great relationship now, I am. I just have to wait and whine and cry, then hopefully one day I will be the one that is getting married. You know that shes so damn happy and she knows how I wish it were me. But it will never really matter because she will always be the one that gets the goods.

I guess I should settle in to the idea that I will always be the bridesmaid, and never be the bride. What really bothers me is that when it is my turn, my family will have already lost the luster of the beautiful ceremony because my sister has beat it in the ground twice!!!!!!! GRRRR!