Ok so today I dont feel so hot. Ive gotten finished with all my emails. Yeah ok at some point I start to feel like Dear Abby. But I dont mind it. Its nice when people ask for advice. Its nice when friends make you feel good. Its nice to get encouragment and feedback. I did a little of both tonight. Oh my stomach hurts!!! Ok Im done whining. But in all honesty it is nice to retain that friendship and still be able to pour my heart out and it be done in return. Im working on things that arent quite right in my life. Well tonights issue was dating.
So heres the skinny. With out giving too much up. I was encouraged to start dating again. Im just not sure its worth it. I mean hell one day yes. But Im just not sure about dating. I mean hello I manage to totally screw up all the time. Im moody, totally fly by the seat of my pants, would rather go to a museum than a club 99% of the time. Im not the ideal girl for any guy unless of coarse he doesnt want to have sex. See I gave that up so yeah. I decided that I had my nice 4 year disaster with Toby, it was totally a sexual thing if I really get down to brass tacks. I never want a relationship that sex is so totally the basis of anything again. So hey hey sex will happen again after Im married. Sorry to disappoint anyone. This summer that was up for debate amongst my friends. Nice guys. They took bets. Guess who won??? ME! Nope. Nothing happend. I had opportunity just no will. Ok enough back to the other stuff.
In all seriousness, Man-d. You SHOULD date. What's wrong with it? I have several reasons that I don't, but none of those reasons are " I shouldn't" or the ever so pathetic and thin excuse of "I'm not ready"--- you're NEVER ready, noone is.
There is the advice. Word for word. Umm sorry there James if you didnt want me to share that. It is way too true. But dood why??? Should I really put myself back out there then screw up again? Lets see.... Im thinking no. Oh Im gonna pay for that I can tell now. Yes this is the same James who I am stupid over. But hes one of my confidants when I set every thing else aside hes always gonna be there cheering me on. No matter what I say or how stupid I am. There he is. But then again hey he tells me when Im stupid or throw the shit into the fan when its wrong. I soo should never have allowed anything to happen between us. But I guess it happend for a reason. I love the fact that we are getting back to normal again. You know the normal before October 19th. Yeah before there was anything other than two weird ass friends who talked way too much about shit no one should talk about. There ya have it. Truth.
Anyways Im out. I dont feel good as I mentioned earlier. Talk later!
4 comments:
sorry to hear of your dating woes. i'm your age (turning 23 in oct) so i can totally identify..dating at this age is a big issue and singles have it quite bad, unfortunately.
hulai, i'm happily attached now... but i'm going to say that i'll rather be single than to be with some jerk who are with me for the wrong reasons. there are people out there who function much better on their own.
although i dont know the full story of your relationship woes, i can say that dating is one thing you (at least, me) wouldnt want to rush into. i think too many people rush into relationships..
take your time...meanwhile enjoy the freedom that comes with singlehood!
Your totally right. Ok I was with this jerk Toby for 4 years. Come to find out he cheated on me the majority of it. Well after him I got involved with one of my best friends the afore mentioned James. Stupid move it I dont say so my self. We had it going so well then well we hooked up. Dont date your friends!!!!! Im learning that. Well things could have been fine but I never healed from Toby. We broke up in July and James and I started in October. Get my picture? 4 years of him and I jump into something with some one else that I cared about and still do way too much. But life is that. Im learning to roll with the punches. But the great and wonderful(sarcasm is immense) Toby is trying to re-enter my life. I refuse to let that happen. Im regaining a friendship with James. But Im holding back alot because I miss my friend more than anything in the world. I dont want to get involved just to date. I am afraid I will end up hurt again or even worse they will. Sad but true. But then again I was 18 the last time I went on a date other than Toby or James and well James and I didnt really date. I know that doesnt makes sense but its true. So oh boy here it all goes again. I think Im gonna figure me out before I screw up another fine fella..... Sound good???
Thank you! I am actually working on learning more about who I am threw a self help process. I am tearing down all the walls and finding out why I am who I am. Finding the defining points in my life so far. Im hard on some because I have to detoxify my self image. Does that make sense? I hope so. Im learning alot. I came out of my last relationship with the need to find out why I am so destructive to myself. Im doing that now. Thanks for the support. You never know how much it means to some one like me who is struggling to find their place in this world.
detoxify your self-image..i like the sound of that.. well, i think its very true when you said you got to figure yourself out before jumping into another r/l...you might end up getting hurt again and the process repeats and pretty soon, you become too jaded to even try healing..
keep blogging..get it out of your system :)
Post a Comment