I promised not to cry when I found out about Toby and by God I havent. It is slowly sinking in though. I can lie and say Im not hurting some. But the truth is no matter what front I am putting up, laughing and such, I am hurt. Even though I am not in love with him anymore, I feel like I spent four years being led on and set up. Once some one told me I would never be good enough. Well shit that is what that feels like. I was in love with this man for a long time. What in the hell wasnt good enough? Oh well I think I will be better off in the long run. I really just wish to hell that Chana wouldnt tell me when he does stupid shit. I love his sisters and promised that I wouldnt cut them out of my life. But damn I wish they wouldnt tell me about him unless its that he is ok. I dont want to know the details. Today I really need to find a reason to smile or I may stay this way all day. Thank God I have tomarrow off to hide and do what ever. But then I wont be off again till Friday and Saturday. I think on the agenda for tomarrow will be absolutely NOTHING!!! Just lay around and sleep. Dream of good things. And rest.
1 comment:
That is a good way to think of it. Thanks....
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