Today

Life is about the relationships you have. If you chose to seclude yourself you chose lonliness. I wonder if that is what I do. I wonder if I chose to be alone. I mean I can look back and watch my life. I can see several places where I choose to be alone. But why I do it I will never know. I think for me it is about protection. Years and years ago I got a taste of what it was to lose someone. Left one hell of a bitter taste in my mouth. If ya dont go near the water you cant drown, right? Wrong. I avoid the "water" at all costs. Hurts me good too. Being independant is not about being alone. So why do I think that my independance will never include anyone else?

Next up for bid... Kevin and I talked for a good while last night. Good thing he is two hours behind me on the time thing. He knows the basics. Didnt ask any questions. Thats a first. I told him that we were gonna end up two old folks sitting in rocking chairs at some retirement home talking bout how we could have been so much more. Swapping the "well if you had just butt out" speaches. Truth is though we wouldnt have it any other way. Truth is that we are just an odd pair. May never live with out each other, just never with each other. That would be toooooo wrong. Mom was listening to Kevin and I talk. It was hard to miss I was at the kitchen table eating for the first time in a day or so. Damn being sick sucks. Well anyways. Mom said that Lisa had gotten the impression that James and I had broken up. I just looked at her and said "we did." Tried to go on with my conversation with Kevin. Well she asked what happend, why she didnt know. I just looked at her and said "some times you just gotta let 'em fly." Looked back down at my food and listened to Kevins latest love drama. Bitch better watch out. I dont like whats going on and I generally get the appropriate feelings on that. Never have liked any of them. Hurt him, your on my hate list.