To the Munchkin

This post is for Hope.....

I sit here trying to write possibly the hardest post that I have ever had to write. I have so much to say to you and so much that I wish I could protect you from. I know that in life ultimatly we have to make our own choices. You are chosing what will become of you. I want you to know that I will be here no matter what.
When ever the road is too long, when ever the wind is too strong, where ever this journey may lead to I will be there for you. I'll always be there for you. Thats a few lines from a song I know you know. But its my dedication to you.
Know that even though the other night I got frustrated and came down way too hard on you, I love you and I just want you to be happy. Since you were a baby, we have had an incredible and strong connection. I never ever in my entire life want that to change. I love you so much more than I let on to anyone in the world. I will be talking to people and I brag on you and how proud I am of your accomplishments.
I know there are times you feel so alone and think no one loves you. Truth is I love you more than anyone in the world. You have been so much more than my baby sister. You are my best friend. You are me with a nastier angry streak. You dont hold back and I so wish in so many ways I could just let go and be free the way you are.
When I saw you the other night in your cap and gown I was in awe. You were the most beautiful I ever think I have seen you. Boy was I proud. You are turning into such a lovely little lady. I miss you so terribly. When you are here with me or I am with you I feel like there is nothing missing in my life. You are the "HOPE" in my life. I dont mean that as a pun on your name. But I look at you and the strength it has taken to get through the struggles in your 18 years and think how lucky I am to have you. You are an incredible girl. I dont know where I would be with out you.
Your driving force behind me has always been part of what pushed me. You have always shown courage and faith. I love you so much. I just dont want you to get hurt or go through the things I did. I dont want you to live with regret and doubt. I live with both every day. I love you and I will be here waiting when you are ready to talk. But I knew I would probably not get an answer if I tried to call so I wrote instead.
As for now I am driving everyone insane with the I miss my Hope, I wish my Hope was here. And the ever wonderful.... You know what Hope would say to that.... Yeah see your more than my sister, your my bad influence! I miss dancing and rapping with you! You gotta get up here to play! That way we can have some fun before you go off to join the big dance. I love you munchkin.