Today I about drove my self half out of my mind. I worried and fretted and well went nuts. I called Toby and bitched out his voice mail. Hours later decided to make another call only well I havent done it yet. I plan on calling him and though I know he will not pick up his phone, I plan to tell him I wont be calling anymore. I am letting him go. James told me a few weeks ago to just let him go and live again. Then if it is meant to be he will realize what a dipshit hes being and come back. Well for some reason while I was watching a movie it hits me. Maybe I should call and tell him that I was in fact letting him go. If he loves me it will happen for us but if not well he will eventually show up and take his things. I cant go on living the way I am now. My life is a pathetic wreck just because I dont know how to live with out some one that I have based my entire adult life on. Well it is time that I learned to live my life on my own. I love him more than I ever knew it was possible to love anyone. But if I dont know who I am what use am I ever gonna be to any one. Hopefully it will open his eyes and he will realize what his life could be. I already know what mine could be with him. Even if this is temporary I need to know what my life can be with out him. Maybe this break thing wasnt such a bad idea. I mean hell I came to that conclusion weeks ago after talking to Mike. Some how it just didnt sink in till about 25 minutes ago. So some time tomarrow I will go get my cell phone reconnected, then I will begin living my life again. Hopefully some where down the road he will be included in it..
2 comments:
Whatever you decide to do, I am here for you!!
Im seriously hurting its like a blow to my heart but if he cant do something I will. Im gonna get back out in the world but Im taking it slow and cautiously.
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