Sigh

I should be fuming and mad and pissed and hating him. Instead its like I would rather him just come home and us forget about everything that has gone on in the last month. I havent spoken to Toby since July 28th. I miss him something bad. If he would just call me it would make my year. I miss him so bad it hurts. Im starting to think he has made up his mind about us. I just want it to be what my heart is wanting. I want him home. This is the man that I thought I would marry and have kids with. Hes been apart of me since the first time I layed eyes on him. I love him so much it litterally hurts not knowing what our future does or doesnt hold. My life is on hold sort of. I mean I live and go out and do stuff. But I dont want to leave cause its like what if he does come home? Im thinking it may not happen though. I need some closure if that is the case. I miss him. I dont know where he is or what he is up to. Its an odd out of place feeling for me. I wish I knew what the hell was going on. I am so lost its pathetic.