Every time the phone rings or a white dodge drives by my heart stops. I keep thinkin maybe its gonna be him. But as the last few weeks its not him. Im seriously having a hard time today. Every major decision I have made in the last four years has been done with him in mind. With his opinion being the biggest factor. Im lost now. I dont know what to do with my self. Where is my life going? What is happening to me? Will I ever be whole again? Im so lost its crazy. I just wish I knew what the hell was happening. I hate waiting like this. He wanted time alone and Im trying to give it to him. I havent tried to call in close to a week now. I was hoping that he would after realizing that I gave up. I havent given up on us though. Just stepped back and the farther back I step the worse my heart breaks. Im sooo lonely its ridiculous. Whats wrong with me? Why cant I just move on with my life and if he comes back let him? Im driving myself to the funny farm. I swear to it!!!!!
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