I am in the process of finding out who I really am. What I really want. Achieving my personal goals. I made a pact with my self. From now on I am going to go after the things I want. I am gonna persue the men I find appealing. I am going to be a stronger person. Generally if I dont grab what I want I will never get it. Why? Because every time I come with in reach of what I want I back off. I treat my life as if it is made of fragile china. Lately I have realized I am stronger than that. Now the challenging part for me will be how to assert myself to get the things I want. You know in school I went after every thing I wanted with avengance. Why cant I be like that now? I dont know but I miss that girl. The girl who wasnt scared to try for anything she wanted. The girl who let nothing get in her way no matter what her emotions were in other areas of her life. The girl that used all that stress to create movement and song. No matter what I was going threw at home nothing stood between me and my goals in school. For that matter I just took what I wanted and gave as much as I could in return. When I fell short, I just tried harder. Now I am laid back and insecure. Sure I knew everyone had something to say about me and what I was doing. It never bothered me. Now I worry when the least thing is said. I am working on more than just self preservation. I am starting to be more upfront with people about what I want. I put that into action tonight. Though I am super nervous about the outcome of that particular circumstance. I did what I had to do. I cant play with my heart anymore. But I offer it in some areas even when I probably should not. For now I am gonna throw caution into the wind and hold on tight. Lets see where life takes me. I know what and who I want. Lets see if I can bring myself to get it....
3 comments:
Everyone changes. Whether it be for the better or the worst, everyone changes. You aren't the same girl that you were in high school so don't expect to be just like her. You have grown up quite a bit since high school so use that to assert yourself in ways that reflect how you have grown. Otherwise, you are just stuck in the past living the life of someone you used to be. I'll always be here for you when you need me. Love you....
I dont want to be that girl that I was. No not at all. She had too much growing up to do. Even though my senior year I did more growing up than most my age ever should have. But that brought me closer to you. I just want some of that drive and ambition that that girl had. You know where I could look at a man say hey I want him and go for it. Look at a spot on a squad and say Im gonna have that and get it. You know the hard work was always so much more than worth the effort. I was proud of every thing that I had accomplished and people looked up to me. I want some of that back....
I still look up to you....
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