Christmas

Well we only have a few days now. I am so broke it is ridiculous. I still have to do some shopping too thats the bad part. I have just enough in my bank account to do my rent and my truck. So I am dead broke.
I like the holidays but the expense sucks.

Christmas is only 9 days away. No I am not excited but for the moment I only have to get three more presents. That way I have everyone in my house covered for the stuff we are doing on Christmas Eve. I still need to do something though for Adam's sisters. Other than them I dont have to do much. Just stocking stuffers for Adam.
Next.... One of my favorite people here at work is getting ready to have a baby. She is not due until January 9th. But she is dialated to 3 cm right now. So we could have a kid at any point now. Another lady here was having her baby today. So we are baby happy in this department. Oh I love babies.

blah blah blah

Doesnt the idea of an idiot who thinks they know everything about your job just infuriate you. I am a supervisor at my job and work in several departments. I just had one of our wonderful agents on the line from a location in Florida. He had the rudest jerk at his desk screaming obscenities at him. I would not have let him check in if I were this agent. I would have called the police regardless of his status in membership. I would have also followed that up with a call to member services to report him for the type of language he used. It was just uncalled for. I actually told our agent not to take him and not to take his crap to write down all his information and give that to his manager for further action on this jerk.
I mean come on. If you go to a person's place of work or if you call them to get their help, dont act like an ass. If you do no one wants to help you. Theres nothing I enjoy more than to hang flat up in someone's face when they treat me like crap. I am not on the other end of this phone line for any persons abuse. I am here to give a valuable service to our many guests and agents. So I hate to hear any one act that way to me, my co workers or our fellow agents. Its just uncalled for.
Ok now that I am off of my soapbox. I have completed my English Comp paper. It turned out pretty ok. My friend Seth helped me while we had down time at work. Im hoping it turned out well in my professor's eyes.

Creative writing and other things

So I had another one of those dreams yesterday morning. If I had just gotten up when Adam went to work I wouldnt have subjected myself to it. This time I was running through a cornfield. Yes I know sounds stupid. But I was being chased by a man in a corn harvester or what ever the heck that big farm machinery thing is. I dont recall who the person was this time. But the man once again got a friend of mine. When I ran out of cornfield to run through, I ran into this house. The lady in the house picked up the phone to call the cops and get me some help when the man came in and shot her. Ok so why is this happening. Just as I run out the door with the man hot on my heals, my cell phone rang and I woke up. Talk being saved again.
Im so sick of these dreams.

So I am sitting here at work and have been staring at some blank pages most of the night. I have yet to get my assignment for writing done yet. I just cant draw a single bead of thought. Its due Monday and the only thing I can get is stupid. I have to write a letter to a friend or such that is a portrait of myself. I have to use metaphors, similies and figurative language to describe my physical being, personality and likes and dislikes. Problem is I can not come up with anything to save my life. I thought this assignment would be fun but it has become extremly hard for me. Plus we have to share these in class on Monday morning. I just dont know what I am going to share with every one... I have no clue what to even come close to writing. Any ideas???

My father.... What can I say. He keeps tryin to call me and I keep not answering. Its not that I dont love my dad. Because I do. Either he calls at a time I can not get to the phone or he calls and I dont have the phone on me. So I havent avoided him in so many words. But why do I feel guilty? I shouldnt. He hasnt always been there for me. I just need time of my own. I dont want him showing up here. I dont want him showing up and screwing up anything for Matt, Mom and me. We are all doing so well that I dont want him to mess that up. I know that sounds cruel. But if you knew anything about the history of us and him you would understand. Matt and I are not buying his sob stories. Lisas tired of his crap and Hope refuses to let him contact her and will change her number if he gets his hands on it. So do you think we are all bad children? I hope not. We are just the children that cant handle any more pain or suffering on his behalf.

My mom on the other hand is wonderful. Matt and I are going in on halves for her for a present that she has always wanted for christmas. I cant wait to see her face when she opens her gift. Adam, Bill and I are going shopping in the morning to pick out the right one. I am so excited. I really am glad that we can do something so nice for her this year. Matt is too. We are very attached to our mother considering that she has never ever left us the way our dad has. She has always been there and stood by us even when we were miles away and were not able to see her on a regular basis. Mom is our rock.

Ok time for me to get back to the paper I have no clue how I am going to get through. Hmm lets see if I can even get any ideas on the paper that I am writing notes on. So far all my notes suck. Lets hear it for similies, metaphors and figurative language! Im about as creative as a wet brick. Go me!

Algerbra teacher from Hell

Ok so now I am in school. My English Comp professor is awesome. But my Algebra teacher is a little excentric. If she hears your cell phone go off you have to bring in cookies or donuts for the entire class the next time we meet. Ummm I dont think so...
I have my first quiz tomarrow. Nope Im not excited. Infact I am freaked out. I dont know how well I will do considering I am having to teach this crap to myself. She just doesnt teach very thoroughly. I dont care for her teaching style and she comes across insulting. Yesterday she informed all of us that if we were working 30 or more hours a week and going to school that there was no way that we would ever make it. What??? Umm thanks for the encouragement. I dont appreciate being told that I wont make it just because I have more than just her class that is going on in my life. Nope sorry. I dont even have time for fun. But thanks alot Ms thing. I feel so good about my taking a class with such a negative teacher.
I felt like she was singling me out when she did that. I mean I had talked to her on the phone and she told me that she thought that I would have a hard time based on the hours I work. Well duh. But she doesnt have the right to say that. I know that she made several other people furious with her condescending remarks. I am thinking about staying after to talk to her about the way she came across and let her know that I feel totally insulted by this and a few other things that happened in our class yesterday.

Dave and Gavin personal review

Ok so now that the crap has been written down for consumption of the general masses. Heres the fun stuff.
We went to see Dave Matthews and Gavin DeGraw on Sunday night. Yeah it was a great show. I think though that I enjoyed Gavin DeGraw the most because he was extremely crowd pleasing. I love an interactive entertainer. He jumped off the stage and walked through the crowds. It was just hilarious.
Dave played for a long time. They just didnt play as much of the music that they are known for as many of the people around me expected. Several people sitting in our vacinity commented on this. Where generally I love to just listen to the bands jam out, thats like all they did. Im talking 5 minute intros, longer endings. You litterally could have gotten up and gone to get a drink or to the restroom in between every single song. Dont get me wrong it was a great show. But when you pay 60.00 a ticket thats just disappointing. Even Adams sisters felt that way. These girls are die hard. They go to see these guys everytime they are in driving distance. So they have seen them several times. We did enjoy ourselves though. Like I said it was a great concert I just would have loved to see more interaction from Dave and more of the music that we love and less jam sessions. Maybe Im spoiled but thats how I feel. I am still a fan. I still love their music, but I am just generally disappointed in the show.

Returning dream

Lately I have been having terrible dreams. One I have already shared. But they keep coming. Every time I escape but some one I love does not. The person that is terrorizing me is someone I moved states away from. Some one who has always since the day he entered my life, struck fear in the depths of my soul. Only later to find out my fears were very wise. There was always something about him that sat bad with me. Then the local police gave me background on him. Yeah so I thought that when I left Texas I would never think of him again.
Why all of the sudden is he showing up in my dreams and causing me so much pain and hurting the ones I love the most. Even people that I have just slight associations with. I am to the point that if I am at home alone I do not sleep for fear of not being able to stop the dreams this time. Last night Adam was not home and I slept only two hours before he was home to get ready for work. I could not sleep and if I did start to doze off the slightest noise caused me to come to full alert.
I feel haunted by this person and these horrible dreams. They have only gotten worse and more graphic. Adam has woke me up once and I have managed to wake myself up several other times. Thing is these dreams are so disgusting I dont feel comfortable nor safe disclosing exactly what happens in them. I of coarse tell Adam. I dont tell my mother because I dont want her to freak out and suggest a shrink. Forget that. I am not paying some guy to sit and listen to me spill my soul about something that is not real. My only question is why does this keep happening????

Items of thought today

Tomarrow is the day Adam has been waiting for for a long time. We will be on our way to see Dave Matthews Band tomarrow night. This is Adams favorite band. Ok Im not the biggest fan but I have always enjoyed their music. Fan yes, fanatic no. Needless to say though, I am excited. I am excited because Adam is trying not to be. Every year he opts not to go with his sisters. This year he finally decided to give in and go with them. I know that tomarrow he will be unbearably crazy to live with until after the concert is over. He is already fidgety and cant sit still. Almost like time can not move by fast enough. Hes so cute.
Next item up for bid....
I heard from an old friend the other day. Which normally that kind of thing is a joy. But why did my skin crawl this time?? Hope ask why later I will tell you in depth.
Next on the chopping block....
The Christmas tree is up, the living room is decorated. Adam and I walk around humming ridiculous holiday tunes. Why do I love this season so much, yet dread it every year for the remaining seasons?
Last but certainly not least.....
Why is it that I pick stupid crap to dwell on.... That kinda goes with the second item up for bid. But I do have that tendancy. I cant let go of stuff. One day I hope to do so .

Strange dream....

Last night I got home early. I had intended to spend a little extra time with Adam but he was already asleep. So I sat in the living room sort of reading a book, watching an old old movie that made me cry as usual. Then talked to my munchkin. I was the biggest sulk. I just sat there and cried about everything. I cried because I have no one I hang out with other than Adam and that his sister is the only friend I have that I do hang out with. Because yes I have friends but they are all at work. Then I cried because all of my real friends outside of Omaha have gotten married and had babies and I dont get to talk to them anymore. That is with the exception of Kristy and she has both of those. Then I cried because I miss my Kevin. Then because I hate what is up with my father. I was a total mess. I cried because I miss my sisteres. I was such a dork. Hope was so sweet tho. She just listened while I cried. Then I went to sleep.
Im gonna say around 730 or so this morning I woke Adam up. I dont remember doing that though. But I do remember what he said I told him. Apparently I was having a panic attack.
I told him that the man was chasing me. He said that I was crying and breathing really heavy.
Well I know I probably was because I remember the dream. This man broke into my house killed the others that were there and continued to terrorize me until the sun came up. Then I screamed and cried and Carey came in and distracted him. After watching him lose the knife and Carey retrieve it I ran down the street and to some one elses house. He allowed me to call the cops, when I dialed the cops it was the electric company. I looked out the window and saw the man coming down the street. I hid behind the couch and got very quiet. The man entered the house I was in and asked the man whose phone I was using where I was. He pretended not to know what he was talking about. Then the man fell dead on the side of the couch. Umm.. What?? I remember waking up with my head in Adam's side. Then went back to sleep. Yeah weird huh?? Thing is I think I know who the stranger was......

Hectic

So I havent written in several days. Its been a very busy set of days. Between home and work I am totally exhausted. I have taken to getting up with Adam in the mornings before he goes to work. Then taking a nap and getting up to go to work of my own. Then when I get home he is already in bed asleep so I just crawl into bed and try not to wake him. So Im off tomarrow. But it will be a full day. I will get up with him then go spend the day with my mom. Write out the remaining part of my bills. Get that taken care of. Around 2:00 or so I am going to go home and get dinner ready so that when Adam comes home we can eat and leave. I have new student orientation to go to. But since our time is so few and far between right now we take every opportunity to spend that time either of us is off together. Our days off are totally different. His Saturday, Sunday. Mine Wednesday, Thursday.
Starting on the 30th of this month I wont have Wednesdays off either. That is one of my school days. Monday mornings I also have a class. So it is about to get hectic in my home. Between Adam's schedule and my schedule it is crazy already. I am actually looking forward to being at home when he gets there tomarrow. So is he actually. We were talking about that tonight when we went to dinner. We have decided that now that we dont get to see each other as much we will just go ahead and meet up for dinner once a week. That way we get to spend a little more time with each other. Even though my lunch break is only 30 minutes. It is enough time to feel like I actually got to see him today.
How is it that I have fallen so hard for him when just a few months ago I had sworn that I would never do that again? He is every thing that I have ever wanted and more. I have a smile on my face no matter what these days. He makes all the bad go away even when I dont think that it is possible. I sound like a teenage girl now. But gosh hes just so wonderful. Even when we argue we cant stay away from each other. I dont know how my heart can find such peace in another person. Its crazy.
Now that I have sounded totally twitterpatted, I will let you guys all puke in private. Then again I dont think I have heard from anyone in forever. But hey thats life.

The Patch

So I am currently re-evaluating my form of birth control. Seems the FDA put out a warning a few days ago about the patch. But so far mine is working just beautifully, of coarse there are side effects of any form. Aside from the fact that it is like a bandaid that you can not change for seven days, it is wonderful.
Supposedly now they are warning that it causes blood clots and such effects. I have read two articles now on the "problems" and just wonder if the woman in the interview at the end just wants to scare people because she had problems. I do however not believe that some one died from it. All birth controls have these warnings and warn that if taken improperly death has occurred. But now I wonder should I switch methods when this is the only form that has ever worked on me.
This is the first time that I have taken any for of birth control that hasnt made me extremely emotional or totally irritable. I have talked to several people that I know who either use this patch or have taken it. All have mixed ideas on it.
Adams family knows this is our method. They are all scared now that I am going to end up sick. Well I want them not to worry but I am still not too sure of what I am going to do about this yet.
Carey says the only reason that she is really worried about it is because of my size. Maybe if I had a little more fat on my body she would not worry so much. Carey is a doctor so I trust her judgement on these things. She is really very smart. When I first started the patch she kept up with Adam on how I was doing. Checked on every side effect I had with her advisors and kept Adam calm on how I reacted as my body adjusted. So I dont know what to think. Maybe I will go talk to her again and see what she thinks of my situation. You know with out her brother sitting there on pins and needles. Then make this decision in the most informed way possible.
What is the general opinion of my dear friends though, I do wonder. If you would like to read up on this before stating an opinion here is a website....
http://msnbc.msn.com/id/9997384
Your opinion would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

School and Chicago

Ok so I am two steps closer to getting back into school. I have to go enroll and file my extension for tuition but other than that I am set. Looks like the end of the month I will be a student again. Yipee! Actually yes I am finally excited about it. Looks like all my pale grant will be approved which means I will be going to school for nothing. The grant will pay for everything. I was supposed to get up this morning and go register but low and behold I overslept. Yeah so the new darkness in my room may not be a good idea for that reason. I dont want to get out of bed. Now if I would have seen some light this morning my butt may have gotten up. Yeah so I think I am in trouble with Adam now. He is really working his butt off to get me to get back into school. I need to make an appointment now with an advisor then with finanial aid. That way I am at least enrolled. Oh why does school have to be such a big deal? No really I am excited about it though.
I am more excited at the moment however about our trip this week coming up to Chicago. Adam and I are running away for two days to Chicago. Gosh I love working for Marriott. Hotels are so inexpensive that way. We are actually staying 25 miles from downtown in a Resort in Oakbrook. I am so excited. We will be just absolutely relaxed. That is as long as I dont manage to put us in crap moods like I did when we went to Kansas City. Yeah Im famous for screwing the good stuff up. This is our last chance to really get out until I can do something to get my schedule changed to match my days off to his at least some what. Other than that we wont be spending much time together unless its sleeping. That could be very stressful so I want our trip to be perfect. I have a few ideas too that might just help.

Happy Halloween

Today, the biggest costume day of the year. But it is so fun to dress as some one else sometimes. Did I participate, No! I decided I would just be me. Sounds like a better plan if you ask me. So yeah I just decided to come to work as me, just a more dressed up version of me. SO I look some what nice. But I have been happy with the results. Ive gotten many compliments the last few days on my aparel. I like that. Generally I dress down so I am not so nice looking. I walked in a minute ago and Nates reaction was Wow Amanda. So that made me feel good. Then yesterday two of the prettiest girls here told me how nice I looked. So yeah I took that as the nice good feeling it gave me.
Anyways I just wanted to say Happy Halloween! Be safe all my friends!

So Im moody and totally pathetic last night. Whining and crying because Adam wasnt home. Finally I fall asleep at like 2:00, then even though I dont remember the conversation,
Adam calls and is home before 4:00. Yeah he says he called because he was lonely at his parents house but I dont remember. All I know is that I told him to come home and before 4:00 this morning I was snuggled up in bed next to him. Yeah I told you I was pathetic. Hes just absolutely wonderful though.
Good news of the week: Adam got a job! He is really excited about it. All that hard work and many many interviews has finally paid off. The only thing that I find unexciting about all this is that I wont get to see him very often. Our days off are going to be totally different. His Saturday, Sunday. Mine being Wednesday, Thursday. So yeah that Im totally unexcited about. But I am so very proud that his hard work and patience has paid off. I hope that he likes what he will be doing as much as I love what I do. Its always great to love your job. Thing is he is so good financially that I know that he will be great.
The joyous day arrived last week. I now have a new God Daughter. Her name is Jayden. I havent even seen pictures yet, but man did that just make my day. Im sure Kristy is glad to have that over with now. I know she was very uncomfortable towards the end of her pregnancy. But now that she is here I need to go to Texas just to meet her.
Hope is in North Carolina now. She says that it is beautiful on her base and around. She is about an hour from the shore. Her description of it is that it looks like God got bored one day and just started planting trees. Shes a big tom boy so trees are good. Maybe one day I will get up there to see her. I miss the munchkin.

And another World Series is over.

The mighty Houston Astros put forth their best foot, yet it wasnt enough. I am so proud to say that I am a fan of this team. They did a great job. Each game left you on the edge of your seat. They were exciting. Though I must admit that, yes, I did cry when game 4 was over and our Astros went home winless. They were amazing but not good enough. I do also admit that the other team was just so stellar that they were the better of the two teams. Sometimes all you can ask for is to just be a player in the game. I find that it is a great honor to have taken part in something that most will never have the opportunity to.
I am jealous however of Adams mother. She was at the Series while it was in Chicago. That brat. No Im just playing I love her. Shes wonderful. But dang I so wish I could have been there too. All I can say for next season is, try again next year boys. Dreams do come true. Long live the Astros!

No point today.

Ok well the Munchkin leaves us to go to North Carolina on Sunday. I just dont feel like I have spent enough time with her. Tomarrow Hope, Mom and I are going to take pictures together. I wish Lisa was here too. It is nice though that I will have a picture of us together. I hate when the kid is gone. I guess shes not really a kid anymore though. Gosh I am going to miss her. Even though we do talk about 5 or 6 times a week when she is gone, I dont like her being away.
My new upstairs neighbors are so loud! I swear if they are out on their balcony at 3 or 4 in the morning I am going to talk to the land lord. These people are ridiculous. They piss me off. The kid skate boards through the apartment. They turn the radio up so loud you can hear it coming into the entrance in the rear of the building. And if there is a Nebraska game on forget watching TV because the jerks have it turned up so loud you cant hear your tv on the highest volume. Yeah Im sick of them. They only just moved in a month ago. Im ready to just scream if they keep it up!
Im at work currently and just dying to eat. I feel like the little starved girl. Only because I hurt so badly this morning I didnt want to get out of bed. I actually laid in the tub for 45 minutes because my back hurt so badly. So of course I didnt eat before I got to work. Now I feel like a starved cow. Im hungry! That is all I can think about for the moment.

World Series Bound!

Recently I have been scrutinized for being a fan. I was told to quit being so excited for a team I BELIEVE IN! I was supposedly going to jinx them. Ok well heres my response to that, and those of you who know me know I dont get hostile often. When you believe in a team cheer them on. There is no such thing as jinxing anything! I dont care if you are superstitious do not come on to my blog and critisize me for being excited. Do not do it. I dont mind people having opinions, but if they cant be polite they wont be commenting on my blog. I do retaliate. Oh and guess I showed them because the boys pulled it off. Its all about who the better team is. I love the Astros. You wont catch me saying that I wont pull for them and be openly excited for these guys just so that some idiot is happy. Guess what buddy, the whole of Houston was more excited than me so get off my back.
Any ways to those of you who matter in my blog reading circle.... The Astros made it to the World Series. Remember weeks ago I took the stance that I didnt think they would because of the season the Cards had put up. Well as the series between these two teams progressed the more I could see the want in the eyes of the Astros players. Its people like Craig Biggio and Jeff Bagwell who have played for this team more than 2,000 games with out a World Series that I am more than extatic for. Its for the losers at the Houston Chronicle who marked them out with a giant headstone back in May that I dont believe have any right to call themselves fans. When you love a team so much you dont count them out mid season. You dont get into the Series and say they cant win. As I see it now, yes they can win this series. Yes they can get a pennant. I believe more than any team out there in the MLB association, these boys deserve it. It is a first for them. They have great defense and powerful hitters that are all underestimated in their value. They make people great then send them off to better teams only to realize that once they are no longer an Astro their big name is gone. Kent who? Beltran who? Big assets to a little team. Get big britches then cant do crap. Yeah these are guys my spirits rode on last year in post season. But the little team from Houston, Texas has proven themselves. They ARE the little team that can. But you know if they dont win, I wont cry. Im proud. Just like I was last year at this time when they went home to celebrate just making it to the second round.
So the moral of my blog today is: Dont get underexcited and then tell me to join you. If you love them join them in the excitement. If you believe in them speak up and wear your colors with pride. But if you speak against them dont comment on my blog because you are not a TRUE fan.

Oh I Can Almost Taste It!

Now with only one win to go, I can almost taste the WORLD SERIES!!!! My Houston Astros are just one victory away from the big dance!!!! Yehaw!!!!!!!!
So now Im more excited than anyone can handle! Yeah baby!!!!!

And they're off!

No Im not talking bout the dogs or horses. Im talking about the Astros. We have two more games at home in this series. If we win both we are in the World Series!!! Previously I had stated that the best world series in my opinion would be the Cards and the White Sox. Well upon review I believe that the best series Pitching Wise would be the White Sox and Astros. Thats the two number one pitching staffs. Hmmm so maybe I was wrong. Thing is that no matter which of my two favorite teams make the World Series their post season reality, I am happy and proud. They have both shown their right to that set of games. Nothing prides me more than a well played game. But for the time being all I can say is GO ASTROS!!!! 2 to go! World Series Bound!!!!

No title just random thoughts.

I know life cant be perfect,
So why do I expect it to be?
I know life cant be perfect,
But I cant except anything less.

I know I have flaws,
So why cant I find them in others?
I know I have flaws,
But I seem to be jealous at time of others.

I know imperfections are what make us unique,
So why do I question my differences?
I know imperfections are what make us unique,
But I want to be like everyone else.