Oh today sucked. I dont know what to do with all this lonely time I have. I am going crazy with it. Men are the pit of my despair right now. I am missing Toby. Not the love we shared but the friendship. God I miss calling him just to say hi. I miss being able to cry on him when I needed a shoulder. Right now I litterally have no one. I have so much on my chest I need to get out. So much that needs to be said. But I have no one of my own to talk to. Christmas and Thanksgiving are coming up. It is hitting me hard that I am gonna have no one. Last year what kept me from hurting was that Toby came and spent both with me. I had all but mom on Thanksgiving. But this year I will have no one. Yes I love the Johnsons. They are my family. But I am still an outsider. The idea of a lonely holiday season is really stressing me out. Christmas is depressing when you are alone. Last year I had Toby to shop for. This year I have Pepper. Wow what fun. Shop for the dog. Hell he dont even know what is going on. I have a feeling this week will be just as depressing and bad as last week was. Wooohoo for the lonely girl in the corner.....
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