Frustrations Explanation..

Ok so the last entry shows some contempt and disrespect for my father. I love him, I know I sound harsh. For the most part him not being there for me and Lisa was because of his job. But hes gotten the chance to be there for Matt and Hope. Hes neglecting Hope right now. It really pisses me off too. You know there were times I wanted to just scream "Hey dad look at me!!" when I was a kid. But now its Hope. Shes litterally begging for the love and attention she deserves and hes lavishing it on some one else and forgetting shes around. Hope says dont blame Pam. But from my prospective, Pam is as much to blame for the recent bullshit as my father. She knows the problems. Instead of saying "Hey Dennis, spend some time with that girl. Give her a little time." She ignores the fact that she has caused him to forget he has children. He has three gorgeous daughters and a pretty cool son. But he doesnt care anymore. We all have always wanted nothing more than him to be there for us. Personally I always wished my dad was around more. I always wondered and still do what it is like to have a dad that is there. One that was there to actually do the things all the other kids dads did with them. My dad wasnt at my high school graduation, at my sisters wedding, or any of my dance productions. Yes he went to several of my performances during football season. But it never went past me that he was always there and telling me how great some one else was. Like German Villatoro, Stephanie Jayne Sumrall, or even Kevin. I dont remember him ever saying "damn Mandie you looked great out there." Or even a simple "you did good." Im hard pressed to remember any of that. I remember him being at my National Honor Society Induction. Only because I begged him to be there. But like I said any of my major accomplishments that I actually worked at so that it would be good or perfect my father was not there. He saw one of our Musicals that Lisa and I performed in. Then he complimented all the actors but not Lisa and I. My mom has been the one screaming the support since I was small. She went to every single little performance or honor that I was apart of. She went on all our trips, spent time at competitions, clinics and camps. She was always there saying "you did sooo good" or "hey you were a little off but you did great." My crowning achievement was when I was a Senior and I built sets, choreographed the entire play and was a singer in it. She was there before anyone else opening night to say "wow all that work was well worth every one of the late nights and effort you put into it." I guess this frustration for my dad has been building for a long time. But if I hadnt said it in here I probably would have let it out on him. I dont relish the idea of ever hurting him. My heart is bruised enough. So why would I do that to some one else??