Slow Down... Or not

This is a sentiment I have been hearing over and over again lately. Like Im rushing into the next part of my life or something. Yeah, like thats even possible. Its hard to rush anything when my life is a mess. I mean the ex is still mad that I left, making it so hard to do anything.

If I can give anyone any one piece of advice, it would be, do not buy a house with some one you arent married to. It screws you in the end. I loved that house, it was my home, I picked it. But now its the one thing keeping me stagnant. If I leave completely he will sue me for breach of contract. So right now I live in two places. Yeah thats awesome isnt it.

Then the whole family is crazy over this whole new relationship. My mom and brother are happy for me. They know there is no way to rush this. I mean seriously I could if I wanted to. But I have been in too many bad relationships that lasted way too long. So why would I mess up something wonderful by moving too fast. Yes the distance sucks, but see heres the deal, we have gotten to know each other so much more than we would have if we were closer to each other. I swear in almost four months I have gotten to know some one I never dreamed was under that exterior. We have missed very few days talking. I get a good morning every day, I get either a text or a call to say good night, every night. Its rare that I dont get that. I adore every single minute I get with him, every single word that comes through in text message. I am happier than I have ever been in my whole life.

The Marine makes me smile every day. He says this is his goal. I keep trying to figure out where I got so lucky with this guy. He amazes me. We were talking Sunday about all the different times we had been sick. I mentioned how healthy I was til I moved to Nebraska. We were talking about pneumonia and how many times each of us have had it. I told him that I developed asthma after the last round of it in May. He then tells me, "Im gonna take care of you." Yeah I was ecstatic at this. This whole conversation took place while he was on duty. I was keeping him entertained.

Long story short we texted from 9 in the morning til he got off work at like 1030 at night. After he told me that he was gonna take care of me, I realized, yes he is. He has every intention of making me happy. So I told him, "You are so sweet, Thats it! I am gonna keep you!" To which he replied, ":) Good!" I adore him.

Honestly though, I dont think we are moving fast. I mean hes there and I am here. Dont get me wrong if the situation was different, I would be excited to move there. There is just so much to get in order before this is even close to an option. But every night he tells me he wishes I was there to curl up with him and sleep. I want that. I cant wait to see him so that I can just lay there with him and talk. I am excited like crazy to be able to look him in the eye when I talk to him. Oh the possibilities...

"The first time you touched me, I knew I was born to be yours."

I know I have said it a few times now. He makes my world go round slightly. I can still feel the way his hand felt the first time he touched mine. I can still feel the way he held me when we were dancing. How when my friends made fun of us, he pulled me closer to him to prove a point to them. The way his arms felt when he would pull me closer or how he felt when he brushed against me seemingly on accident.

Last night he called after we were both off work, I was fired up about something when I answered the phone. I was still finishing my sentence. The girls were laughing at me, and I said "Hi babe!!!" He laughed and said, "Hi sweetness, did I pick a bad time?" Ha! Nope. After that I went on and on for a few minutes about what had gone wrong at work that evening, when he realized, it was my day off. So why was I there? "Well honey, I picked up some one else's hours so that they could meet their son at the airport, for the first time in over a year." He then asks, "Why over a year?" My response, "Well he was deployed to Afghanistan, she hasnt seen him since he left. I know how I would feel if you were gone that long and all I wanted was to see you the first second you walked into the airport." To this I get, "See thats why I want you. You have the heart, you arent gonna decide my job is too much for you, and when I get home you are gonna be there."

We talked for a little while, he had a crappy day at work. He told me all about it. I laughed at how ridiculous parts of it were. Cause well it was pretty ridiculous, not the part where he was upset, but the other person that made him mad. It was sad. I apologized for laughing. He then laughed and told me I made him feel better. Truth is he always makes my stress, anger, and sadness go away. Its like he fixes everything. He always tells me not to stress so much cause it will do me no good. This man seriously makes my world a happier place.

Been a few days

Sorry guys its been busy. Havent had alot of time to catch up. My time is split between work, home and Adam. Im loving it all though.
I cant really complain I have had nothing but good things in the last week. Adam and I went to Indian Cave State Park last week. That was just too cool. I will get the pics posted soon. We really enjoyed it. Hes becoming more and more obviously visible in my life. I have to say I like that. I get sweet messages from him on my yahoo when Im not at home. Or he will call just because. Its nice. My family all like him very well. Hes here Thursdays and Fridays then most Saturday and Sundays after I get home from work. I look forward to our weekends. Which is a new thing to me. Ive lived in my bricked off world for so long. Its hard to let some one in. Little by little though hes getting in there.
I wonder sometimes if though my feelings are being burried for a reason. You know Im just so scared to care again. Lets not fool around here, I care for him. I dont want anyone to mistake that. Infact I like him more than I let on. I dont want to get ahead of myself. Nor do I want anyone else to. But I know where I have been, what I have experienced and I dont want him to have a peice of the heart break I leave behind. I want him to have nothing but the good. He does so much to make sure I know that I can trust him. I do. I trust him more than most. Im so attracted to him in so many ways its crazy. Never in my life have I been this attracted to anyone. I dont know how to deal with that. I hold alot back on that too.
He gets frustrated with me. I know he does. But we agreed no secrets so it all comes out when we are frustrated or mad. Then it gets fixed. I like that alot. Im indecisive alot. It drives him insane. I just dont worry so much about the small things that he thinks about. I worry about things that generally I cant fix. As for whats for dinner or where to go on our Thursday outing, I just dont know. I could care less if we sat in a forest and did nothing. Just so as long as hes sitting there with me. Infact thats what we did Thursday. We hiked a good 4 miles. Like I said awesome pics. I will have to get those posted. We got so, well, wrapped up last night that I didnt get the pics loaded like we had planned. I promise I will though. Theres a great one of the two of us. Of course between mom, Adam, Bill and Hope there are several pics of us.
Its been requested now for me to go meet his sisters. I kinda met Sue and Blair the other day but well it was all of three seconds and I was kinda just sitting in the middle of the road and had to get moved. So it really didnt count. So thats gonna have to happen again. He lived with Carrie when we first started dating but I never met her. So yeah Im still nervous. I met his grandma the night of the CWS opening ceremonies. Shes a sweet woman. Then of course Ive met two of his cousins. That was on our first date though. So its been a while.
Yeah well hes where Ive been. Plus Im looking for an apartment. So yeah thats in the works too. Matts gonna be my roomie. So I will have my baby brother living with me. Adam will be there most nights when Im off or hes in town. But yeah its all looking up. I just couldnt ask for much more. I will get those pics soon posted for yall! Love you guys!