Heaven on Earth

Life is in this continuum that makes my head spin at times. It amazes me how I can wait all day to go home and see Adam, then when I get there I am still excited to see him. You know at some point I lost that with Toby. I stopped getting excited early. I would only get excited to see him after days, weeks or months of him not being around. But with my Adam, its all so different. If he is gone for even an hour I am beaming when I see him again. He makes me laugh, and smile. I know I am lucky to have him.
The beauty in this relationship is that I know that no matter what happens I appreciate the small things that before I didnt. So I guess if I hadnt been through hell with Toby I would not know that some of the little things he does and says are sweet. Ive learned that it isnt really the grand gestures that I want. Its the little things like a kiss on the forehead or a touch of the hand that add up and mean so much more to me.
Adam's indeed taught me a thing or two about what love is. I went into this relationship with the attitude that I had experience in a serious, long term relationship. I didnt want to let anything or anyone know the side of me that has weakness. Infact I was nothing but mean and had my mind up that I would run anyone off that came at me. So it took Adam forever to get that second date with me. I knew I wanted to go out with him again. But I didnt want to let myself into another possibly disasterous relationship.
I just knew that if I let this wonderful man into my life I would screw it up again. Sure enough I just about did. I fought off his requests just to hang out for five weeks. I spent countless hours talking to him and avoiding any thought of another date. Until finally one day when he asked me what was so wrong with him that I wouldnt give him another shot. Thats when it hit me, I was really wrong for the way I was treating this guy.
For the first time in my life I was actually contemplating the idea of a nice guy. One that I knew so much about. One I had barely known a few months. Yet from the sincerity that I had seen that one night and over the phone those countless hours, I knew that I could trust him. But my problem now was, could he trust me? Could he trust me not to bail out when things got tough, not to freak out at the first sign of seriousness?
Yes we have had our moments where we just want to leave. But something draws us back to each other with in moments. Either of us have seriously walked out in a heated arguement only to return with in a minute to tell the other how very sorry we were and that we love each other. There are days when we both just feel like the world is over and that we cant possibly look at the other one. But it has yet to last longer than a few hours. If that long.
I know we are far from perfect. But I know, for now at least, I have found my peice of heaven on earth and I dont want it to ever go away.