Well I am starting to think that I may have really messed things up. I dont ever hear from Toby anymore. Im worried about him. His family said they havent heard from him since Wednesday. Im really concerned about him. He is really special to me. I love him so much it hurts. I cry myself to a fitful sleep more often than not. Its as if a part of my heart and soul is missing without him here to hold. Since the beginning of my adult life he has been the person that has stood by me. I define my life and he is a huge section of it. Its as if two hearts were welded together. I am sad and try so hard to be strong. Im not sure how much longer I can do it though....