4 years.

Today was hard.  I talked to him yesterday and it was uneasy but we talked.  I asked if I could call him today.  He said yes.  I called.  He didnt answer.  Im hurting.  Hes hurting.  Today makes 4 years for us.  Usually we find some way to make the day special.  This year we didnt even talk to each other.  Ive had him in my head all day long.  How in the hell am I supposed to do this.  I wish he would come home.  Then at least we could work threw some of this together.  Im willing to give him time.  But I need some too.  But the time I need is the opposite of what he needs.  I need some time with him to reassure myself that we are still in love.  I have no doubt that I am in love with him.  I do have my doubts about him.  If he did love me wouldnt he need to be with me?  My nights are restless.  My days are a blur.  Im a mixed up ball of confusion.  I wish this would all be over soon.  I wish I would know what was going on.  I wish he would come home.