I built all these fences around my heart a while back. Well I dont know what to say about that. Alex is trying his best to tear them down. Hes got a few of them down. Hes workin on it. We layed around and talked for a while last night. I feel bad cause with out realizing it I will dodge questions that I dont know how to answer. It took lots of coaxing for Alex to get some of it out of me. I feel bad cause I want him to be able to know me with out me freaking out over small stuff. I really am enjoying spending time with him. I still have Toby some where in me though. He hurt me. He hurt me badly. My heart and soul are so bruised that I dont know what they even look like anymore. Slowly I am learning to live as an individual but Im afraid thats gonna push every one away. I dont know myself anymore. There are some places in my heart and soul that I cant go cause theres just too much us involved. But things with Alex are more intimate. Not sexually but intimate. I dont know how to describe that. We have a different level of it that wasnt there with Toby. Theres so much in my life that I am scared to let people see or know about. I am scared to death of falling for Alex. Hes incredible. He is so different from every guy I know. Yet at the same time he is just a man. I am so scared of falling for him but Im already crazy about him and that scares me even more. I was so comfortable with all my fences and now that they are being torn down its like Im walkin around naked. Oh I dont know what my life is right now...
6 comments:
You aren't alone.I have fences too. Only I have like a brick wall that I keep adding to. Just go with your heart on this one big sis. It doesn't lie....
Hope what if I fall in love again??? I cant bear another heart break! Im scared to death of it...
If you fall in love, then you fall in love. Just go with it. If you don't want this to get serious, then tell Alez you want to be friends for now. But this Alex guy seems like he would understand and will take it as slow as you want it to go. Just don't dig a hole too deep that you can't get out of. Love you...
Trust me hes being super patient with my slow ass crawl. But Im so comfortable with him. I dont think I would regret anything if it did happen. But Im scared of another emotional connection but at the same time I am smitten with him. Its driving me crazy...
Take it as slow as you have too. Its the only way you will know if he is worth driving you insane.
Hope Alex is worth so much more than I could began to tell you. I really do like him. He is so incredible. I dont know what else to say except Im trying sooo hard not to fall for him. Sad thing is I am crazy about him and its crazy cause its only been less than a month...
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