Well I am in a good mood today. Hopefully tonight will go by fast. I had a good night last night. Pittman came to the store and gave me the recent happenings of his life. All I have to say is "Jerry! Jerry!" That boys asking for more trouble than he can handle. But God love him hes finally living a life without Lacey. Good for him. Even if this girl is well her sister in law. That just cracks me up. So I got home from work a little bit later than normal. Then I went to my room changed and stuff. Then called James Earl as I do most every night. We talked for a good while. That boy cant help but make me laugh. Im never gonna be able to be mad at him cause he will pull out one of those personalities and just crack me up. That may be a really good thing though. Toby used to piss me off and well there wasnt much to forgive him for. For some reason I always did though. Separation of the cruel and evil from the way too nice and moral, I can forgive the shit he did. But will I ever care to be his friend again? NO! I never really want to see him again unless I just absolutely have to. I dont hate him. I dont wish him ill. I just hope he learns a lesson and stops hurting the people around him. If that means he gets hurt good. He deserves heart ache and pain. I just dont want him running to me when it happens. When one day he realizes what an ass he was and what he threw away, he better not dare show up on my door step expecting anything other than a door slammed in his face. I dont know I may listen to him. But as mean as it sounds I want him to know how happy some one else is making me just by listening to me and making me laugh. By not being scared of the stuff he wants. But not lying and covering up his true personality or many that lie beneath the surface. Safety is a big deal emotionally with me. I have that for the first time in my life. I dont intend on screwing that up. James Earl, love you! Ok Im heading to work!
Thursday, October 28, 2004
Tuesday, October 26, 2004
Well I am bored. I havent done a whole heck of alot today. Our costumes came in. Mine is cute but umm its short. I am not so sure I am comfortable with it being so short. I guess I am gonna have to get past that though. I am gonna show it to Kristy when she shows me hers. I am still a little weirded by how short some parts of it are. Its cute though. James said not to be so shy about it that it will be fine. I argued that I didnt want the men looking at me and hitting on me. He just laughed. I was like yeah wait till you see how short it is. You may want me to go put more clothes on. But in all fairness it is cute and it does look good on me. So thats a good thing. Ive gotta go get some shoes for it on Saturday morning. Hopefully Kristy will feel up to going. She said she needed some stuff for hers too. Hopefully she will be more happy with hers than I am with mine.
Well it is like almost 4 in the morning. I am wide awake and I told James I would try to go to sleep soon. So I guess this will be short. I really like the smile that is permeating my life right now. I am happy and dont care what anyone else thinks. Im supposed to think about us being beach bums. Sounds like fun.. Well I am off to bed with my happy thoughts of a beach and the two of us laying around.
Monday, October 25, 2004
Wow it rained hard tonight. I was super busy at work for the longest time. I tell you what the night really started going by fast. Then I talked to my mommy for a bit. I love telling her all about the latest good stuff in my life. You know it had been so bad before and its just all coming together right now. I am smiling and for the first time I can say I dont care what Toby is up to. I dont care what his life is like. I dont care about him. I will always and forever hold that one spot in my memory for him. But I just dont care anymore. After months of crying and dying I am alive and living and crazy about someone else. That just krept up on me. Im not sure how that happened. James and I talk about some interesting things. Things that Toby and I couldnt and he wouldnt talk about. James is not afraid to have a future and I like that. He is great motivation. I dont know how I have known him and not looked at him before. How can you cry like hell on some one of the opposite sex and never once think that they just might be that one special person? Its weird in a way cause its not weird. I would figure that this would be slightly odd considering the closeness and that there are not many things we dont know about each other. Truth is its so natural its really cool. He knows my friends are mainly guys but he doesnt freak out when I make plans with one of them. He knows Im heading to Tyler to Kris's house Saturday and hes not pissed that Im gonna be with a bunch of guys. Hell he knows that if he was worried I would just stick Kris on the phone and let the two of them talk. Truth is Im totally safe there and I am pretty sure he knows it. I like the fact that I can and have trusted him. When trust is no longer easy to come by with me. I love him to peices. But I think I may have for a long time and just not realized it. Damn I sound so girly. Im pretty sure he will read this and laugh at me. Since he reads this thing on occassion. Hmm... Well Im off to take a shower.... Night all...
Saturday, October 23, 2004
James
Ok so if he wasnt already, James Earl is now a very big part of my personal life. Things have changed between us. We are still so close its ridiculous. With one exception, hes my boyfriend. Hmm thats an odd thing to actually write down. He is very special to me. Always has been. I thought this would be weird. Truth is its so comfortable and natural. I dont know. Hes just always been there for me. I know so much about him. I have no real secrets from him. He knows all the shit that hurts me or has bothered me. I am comfortable talking about everything with him. The last few nights we have been up on the phone until 4 and 5 in the morning. Hes such a night owl and well I am too so its nice. I havent talked to him today and jeeze Im a dork. I am sitting up thinkin hmmm Im bored. I really enjoy him. Nope we havent even sat in the same room and I know I dont have to worry about shit with him. I really dont know why I never looked at him with my blinders off before. Jeeze I sound like such a girl...
Thursday, October 21, 2004
Tuesday, October 19, 2004
From left to right the players are Adam Everett, Craig Biggio, Jeff Kent (running the first base line!) Raul Chavez, and Eric Bruntlett! Talk about one sweet victory! Score was 3-0 for game 5 of the NLCS! No one should count these boys out! Theres more heart on this team than in any other team in the National Baseball League!
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