Impending Holidays

Christmas is a time when you get homesick - even when you're home. ~Carol Nelson

Every year about this time I start to get excited about all the impending events and fun and magic of the holidays. I have to admit, this year all its doing is making me feel a little hairy. Like maybe I am more alone now than I have been in years. I did several holiday seasons with no family, just a few friends. Yet this year I know that what I am already missing is some one who I wish I could be with every moment of every day. Yes that sounds hokey and slightly, derangely romantic I guess.

I don't look forward to watching every one get excited, every one laughing and smiling at each other. I know that by the time that day hits, I will have had a taste of exactly the present I want most. I will have gone through the part where I have to let go. Saying good bye will be so hard it will probably take it out of me for a while. This is why I don't let myself get attached to anyone. To spare myself the hurt that comes with saying good bye. Here it is just the end of October and I already do not look forward to that day.

I know when every one gets all excited for those silly holidays I will be wishing I was some where else, with some one else. Don't get me wrong I will be so happy to be with my family. I will be. Hell I volunteer to work the holidays so every one else can be with theirs. Its how I work. But for the first time, I am already wishing I was spending it some where else.

Ok Im just feeling whiny today. I will shut up now.